Connected to Everyone, Deeply Connected to No One

Digital technologies may let us connect with people more easily, but in doing so reduce the importance of relationships mattering most to us. Those relationships simply seem less important than before. Rather than needing them when alone and bored, we can consume content from everyone on our News Feed from everyone in our network, for example.

History shows more what happens when we connect with more people. In mass urbanization in the 1800s, people became more proximate and more engaged with others. But there were consequences Alvin Toffler summarized: “Theologian Harvey Cox, echoing Simmel, has pointed out that in an urban environment the attempt to “involve” oneself fully with everyone can lead only to self-destruction and emotional emptiness”. (98) FS

We forget our most important relationships and lose ourselves trying to accommodate everyone. By being too outwardly oriented — worrying what everyone thinks of us — we lose sight of our inner selves. By reducing our social media Friends, we reduce excessive outward obsession. Social psychologist Shelly Turkle writes the danger of involving “oneself fully with everyone” via social media: “As we distribute ourselves, we may abandon ourselves.”

Having fewer Friends reduces involvement with the crowd and helps us cultivate real and digital inner selves.

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