The Feedback Loop of Bullying

Rather than feeling inferior on social media and then uploading pictures for validation and Likes, or by buying clothes from ads, some may respond by lowering others by bullying them.

The bullying reflex may be true, theoretically, for those who can’t upload materialistic photos for validation or purchase clothes in the ads. For these people bullying may be the best way of responding to the feelings of insecurity and inferiority from peer comparison.

When uploading materialistic content seeking validation or when purchasing clothes in advertisements, the intention is to lift up one’s status to counter feelings of inferiority. Bullying lowers others to fight those feelings.

Any of the three reactions increases one’s relative status, but two improve one’s status and another lowers others’.

The bullying on Facebook and Instagram is harmful. Before, when criticized in the hallway, not many saw it. Maybe it was just between you and a bully. Others may have seen the attack to your status, but the number of people that could be, even at the high end, doesn’t compare to the number who can see an attack to your status on Facebook and Instagram, where all activity is broadcasted for everyone to see. Before, an attack to status was only temporary and limited as words faded in private. On Facebook and Instagram, there is permanence. Comments and Posts aren’t temporary. They can be permanently seen by a large number of people, making attacks on status damaging. We can delete attacks only when they are Comments on our Posts or Posts on our Wall, but others likely see the attack on their News Feed before. Unless Notifications are constantly monitored, because the News Feed is a podium for all activity others will likely see it before we delete it.

Permanent and public attacks bring pain to victims. To reduce pain, we shield the inner self in a materialistic, romanticized profile. Any attack is then on a guise, not on us. With our materialized, superficial, romanticized, glorified lives, attacks are not nearly as damaging, or status lowering, as if they were conducted on online profiles revealing our inner selves — our vulnerabilities and weaknesses.

The problem is these romanticized, glorified profiles feed the self esteem lowering peer comparison leading to bullying. Bullies lower others to compensate for their self esteem lowering from News Feed peer comparison. With less exposure and permanence on Facebook and Instagram, people would feel more comfortable uploading authentic content, maybe even showing weaknesses and vulnerabilities. This would make peer comparison on the News Feed less damaging, lowering bullies’ desire to lower others. With less exposure and permanence, there may both some less threat from bullies and less desire to bully.

But the problem is — isolated from one another with the digital interface — bullies don’t have mental guilt from seeing pain inflicted on a victim. The pain inflicted is higher, the barriers are lower, and the mental pain is lower. Comments and Reactions broadcasted on a News Feed let bullies hurt someone in front of the community. Snapchat’s intimate sharing avoids this and is something Facebook and Instagram should focus on.

I wrote a book about digital addiction. Purchase now from Barnes and Noble or Indiebound.

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