I HATE YOU!
You’re ugly. You’re fat. You’re worthless. You constantly second guess yourself, try to be liked by everyone and never stick to anything.
Every time you try to “change” you end up back to the beginning and yes, overall I find you extremely frustrating.
Why do I stick around? Why do I always try to help?
Simple, I believe in you.
You’re doing well in your profession, you’re healthy and you’re one of the most confident people I’ve met. You have great people around you and a loving family with a beautiful little boy.
The problem is you don’t see any of it…You know it’s there and you want to appreciate it all. You remain positive to outsiders, then you close that door behind you.
This post has been split into two. The first part is my feelings towards myself, the second, what I get told and occasionally believe in. The battle is trying to remember the second part!
As much as the saying “I hate myself” seems drastic, it’s the truth. Yes, hate is a strong word and you might think I am being over dramatic, but again, it’s how I feel 60% of the time.
I work hard everyday reminding myself of the amazing things I have materialistic or not. I am always looking at ways to “improve” and yes, I have in some areas yet, I feel the need to compare myself to every successful person in THE WORLD! which yes, is the problem.
I am realistic and I know I will become the person I want to be…eventually. However, what I wanted to share was how I struggle everyday in the hope that you, as a reader know you’re not the only one.
I’ve not written this post for attention or help. I’ve written it as it’s how I feel. This is my first ever post (anywhere) and it’s taking me many years to find the confidence to do this. Whilst I didn’t want to start my journey writing about how I feel, I felt it was the closest I could get to being myself.
I’d ask that if you liked to share your views please do, however, I am aware it’s a contradiction to what I’ve written above…Either way happy to hear/listen and learn.