HOW TO STOP COMPLAINING AND BECOME A HAPPY PERSON
If you complain quite often, it’s not entirely your fault. Science has revealed that evolution favors complaining. We need to focus on problems to fix them and improve our lives. Moreover, nothing unites people better than a common dislike. So, don’t blame yourself if you complain too much.
Once you realize that complaining is sucking your energy, see it as an opportunity. Why? Because not many people make the effort to fix their complacency. Once you stop complaining, you’ll discover newfound energy and happiness in your life. Complaining drains our energy by producing stress hormones every time you complain.
The more you complain, the more you’ll have to complain about. This creates a vicious circle of negativity, increasing your stress and anxiety levels.
The flavors of complaint
It is useful to understand that complaining (and — by extension — complainers) come in types. There are those who never seem to be satisfied. These are known as chronic complainers. They have a tendency to ruminate on problems and to focus on setbacks over progress. Some research suggests that making a habit of complaint can “re-wire” the brain so that those particular thinking orientations become ingrained. It is possible to re-wire this re-wiring to make it more positive, of course, but chronic complainers probably don’t think it would work all that well.
A second type of complaint is the familiar “venting.” Venting is expressing emotional dissatisfaction. It turns out that people who vent have an agenda. They tend to be focused on themselves and their own — presumably negative — experience. By showing their anger, frustration, or disappointment, they are soliciting attention from their confidantes. They can feel validated by receiving attention and sympathy. Venters are particularly likely to discount advice and proposed solutions to their problems. They aren’t looking to solve anything; they simply want validation.
One unfortunate downside to both venting and to chronic complaining is that it can dampen people’s moods. In one series of studies, researchers tracked people’s moods before and after hearing a complaint. As predicted, listening to gripes made people feel worse. What’s more, the complainer also felt worse!
How to complain well
The last type of complaint is known as the “instrumental complaint.” Unlike its wrinkle-nosed conceptual cousins the instrumental complaint is all about solving problems. When you confront your romantic partner about overspending on the credit card, that could be instrumental complaining. Especially if you focus on the impact of the problem, the importance of change, and cooperate to create a plan for change. One study suggests that these types of complaints make up fewer than 25 percent of all complaints.
In one study, researchers found that happy people complain less. They also looked at the evidence that the happy folks in their study were more mindful. They hypothesize that more cheerful folks are likely to complain more mindfully — more strategically, if you will — and with a specific goal in mind. When viewed this way a rough guide for complaining emerges:
· Avoid dampening your mood by complaining only rarely
· Complain only in instances where you believe it will affect real and positive change
· Consider whether affirmation or some other strategy will work instead of complaining
· Limit your exposure to complaining by limiting your exposure to complainers
How to Stop Complaining
Now that you know you can change, here are six practical ways to stop complaining and become a happy person.
1. Go on a ‘No-Complaint Diet’
When you catch yourself complaining, pause and say something positive about the situation. This no-complaint diet can last from hours to days but start small. Start with a 3-hour period to be mindful and focus on the positives.
2. Stay Away from Complainers
if you are surrounded by people who complain about everything and praise nothing, you need to keep away from them. Remember, criticism causes anxiety, stress, and blocks awareness. On the other hand, praise increases awareness and energy.
3. From Complaints to Solutions
When you become aware of your complaining behaviors, take note of the few things that bother you the most. It might be your noisy neighbor, aggressive boss, or Non-supportive spouse. Once you figure out the problem, take consistent action until it is fixed. Sometimes we forget that problems cannot be solved without conscious effort. As Tony Robbins says, “The only problem we really have is we think we’re not supposed to have problems! Problems call us to higher level — face and solve them now!”
4. Break it with “But”
Whenever you catch yourself complaining, add “but” at the end of the sentence and say something positive. For example, “I am so lazy, I will never be successful” …“but laziness is just a habit and I can change it. I will exercise ten minutes every day to have more energy.”
5. Count Three Blessings Every Day
Sometimes the best way to eliminate negatives is to add more positives. Choose a time and count your three blessings at that time every day — before bed or after waking up is generally preferred by most people. In fact, soldiers are often taught this exercise for mental strength when all they can see around is bodies drenched in blood. The great thing about gratitude is that you cannot feel thankful and angry at the same time. So, it dissolves all negativity.
6. Meditate
Meditate for a few minutes every day to center your mind. Once you are grounded in the present, you will stop being reactive towards tough situations. Things are not bad; your mind and perception make them bad. So, take control of your mind with meditation. This makes you more aware of situations, and as a result, you are always calm and composed even in tough situations. Now that you know how to stop complaining, move forward in life with a positive attitude. Try some of the techniques to form a new habit of feeling fulfilled and positive.
