Feeling Behind in Life in Your 20s? Here’s How to Turn it Around
Falling behind in life. Underachieving. Doubting. At some point, these words echo across our minds, stirring an overwhelming amount of dismay at the thought that we’re wasting our lives…
Perhaps, your current job no longer fulfils you. Perhaps, you feel stuck because people around you seem to have given up on life, and you’re afraid to become one of them. Perhaps, you’ve realised that your long-cherished dreams don’t excite you anymore. Perhaps… You’ve just woken up from a rosy slumber and got a bigger picture.
As an aspiring young person, I’ve recently faced similar struggles. So, today, I want to share my insights on how to overcome the feeling of being behind in life in your 20s and power through to new heights.
Why might you be feeling behind in life as a young person?
Feeling behind in life can occur at any age. However, it seems people in their 20s are particularly prone to it these days.
Here are some common reasons why you might feel this way:
1. Comparing Yourself to Others
In today’s digital age, comparison seems practically inevitable (hello, endless scrolling). Social media often showcases only the juiciest highlights of people’s lives — career achievements, personal milestones, and seemingly perfect lifestyles.
Toxic comparison is a thief of joy. When you let it into your life, it makes you believe that everyone around you is on their A-game, while you’re lagging behind.
2. Setting Unreasonably High Expectations for Yourself
As young people, many of us are ambitious dreamers. And as ambitious dreamers, we’re guilty of setting sky-high expectations. We envision a brighter future, create master plans, and define challenging goals, often convinced that we can (and should) achieve them all. QUICKLY.
However, when reality doesn’t align with these expectations, it can feel like a failure. This internal pressure creates additional stress and a sense of being behind.
3. Struggling with a Lack of Clear Direction
Sometimes, even before planning out your ambitious future, you stumble upon the first step: “What do I want to achieve in life anyway?”
Frankly speaking, even I struggle to answer this question right now. On one hand, it feels unsettling: I’m living the best years of my life now, and I still haven’t committed myself to a noble cause. On the other hand, it feels liberating to know that there is so much more I’m to discover about myself and my contribution to the world.
4. Cracking under Career Confusion
Stemming from the previous point, if you’re unsure about your life’s goals, the career plans might seem even foggier. It can be really disheartening at times. You feel restless because I know you’re meant for more, but there are so many professional paths to choose from — which one is yours?
Maybe you already see a potential path, but you’re hesitant to make a move because your inner compass is out of whack.
This results in a feeling of stagnation and demotivation, especially when others around you seem to have found their way.
5. Going Through a Lot of Stress
Countless stressors like the rising cost of living, relentless information overload, and constant job market fluctuations put a lot of emotional and financial strain on us all…
With all this emotion-loaded uncertainty, it’s no wonder why you’re likely to feel constricted by the circumstances and deprived of your life’s goals.
How to Overcome the Feeling of Being Behind in Your 20s?
Now that we’ve identified some of the most common reasons why you might be feeling behind in life, let’s move into a solution mindset and see how we can deal with it:
1. Honour Your Unique Journey
Think of it this way: your life is a flower and you — the gardener (a bit poetic, but bear with me). As you move through life, you learn, grow, and develop, and so does your “flower”.
No two flowers bloom at the same pace. Some grow faster, while others take their time. But every flower will bloom in its own season. Constantly measuring your flower against “standards” and demanding it to grow faster or better, only drains your energy and creates frustration.
Instead of stressing about why your flower isn’t blooming as quickly as someone else’s, shift your focus to what you can do to improve your own life. By doing so, you’ll find more joy and make progress on your own terms.
Personal insight: I might have been guilty of it myself: sometimes my strategic mind would spend time trying to connect the dots or explain things outside of my control. This definitely caused a lot of stress and demotivation. Soon enough, I realised that it wasn’t getting me anywhere. In fact, it was only taking up my headspace distracting me from living in the moment and discovering opportunities. As they say, “You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.”
Actionable Tip: Focus on enriching the soil around your “flower”. Build meaningful relationships, try new experiences, and take bold steps toward your goals. This will make your life much more vibrant and fulfilling.
2. Expect Less, Appreciate More
Ok, unreasonable expectations create frustration. Got it. But how are you going to achieve things when you don’t define what it is that you want?
Of course, it’s essential to set your goals. The key is to find a balance between having aspirations and appreciating your current progress.
The journey is only beginning, so celebrate the small steps and progress you make along the way.
Actionable Tip: Define what you want but remain flexible. Understand that not achieving every goal immediately doesn’t mean you’re failing in life. Also, remember to acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small, because it shows that you’re getting towards your goal, step by step.
3. Recognize the Power of Evolving Dreams and Goals
As you grow, your interests and goals may change. What excited you in the past might not fulfil you anymore, and that’s OK!
Realising that your dreams have evolved is not something to dread. Currently, you’re at one of the pivoting points, so take a deep breath and step into the world of possibilities.
Personal insight: Some powerful words I keep reminding myself are: “I trust my ability to figure things out.” This mindset is reassuring and empowering. Remember that you’re your greatest support no matter what.
Actionable Tip: Embrace the opportunity to re-evaluate your life and pursue what genuinely excites you now.
4. Allow Yourself Time to Explore
It seems like we take our career choices too rigidly, but they are not set in stone. In fact, you have the power to change your role, position or even industry if something doesn’t resonate with you.
Either way, you emerge stronger because of all the unique experiences that will shape your perspective. Accept this phase of exploration as a crucial part of your growth.
Actionable Tip: Treat the beginning of your career as an experiment: you can follow the main road or venture into other trails and then come back if you choose to.
5. Remember to Enjoy the Moment
Things can be tough, whether emotionally or financially. But it doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have some time to relax and appreciate the day.
Personal insight: Facing challenges in your professional or personal life can be exhausting. After getting drained myself, I discovered the importance of finding joy in the small, everyday moments. Whether it’s listening to chirping birds outside, sharing a laugh with friends, or reading a few pages of a favourite book, these simple pleasures have made a big difference.
Actionable Tip: Give yourself permission to step away from the stressors and engage in activities that rejuvenate you. Whether it’s a long-abandoned hobby, a brief catch-up with friends, or maybe a brisk walk in the park, short moments like this replenish your energy and remind you about your priorities in life. Remember, “Stop trying to calm the storm. Calm yourself. The storm will pass.”
Navigating Life in Your 20s and Beyond
Feeling like you’re lagging behind in life in your 20s might feel nasty and downright uncomfortable. But it can also be insightful and enlightening.
When you feel there’s something weighing you down, it’s a telltale sign that some areas of your life, if not all, could be improved. So, instead of bottling up this nagging feeling, listen to it, unpack why you feel this way and act from it.
Remember: if you consistently take action towards your goals, you’re not lagging behind. You’re actively creating momentum, so allow this momentum to gain speed.
I hope this article helps you reassess your life and sets you up for many fantastic, life-enriching moments to come. To the infinity and beyond! ✨
P.S. If you have any other tips about how to deal with feeling behind in life in your 20s, share your thoughts in the comments. I’m going through this period myself right now, so I’d appreciate your insights. 😁
