We only see what we want to see
My wife and I have often pondered over how some seemingly inseparable couples ended up not being able to even stand to be together in the same room. How did they go from “in love” to “ can’t stand each other”. Over the years we have seen many marriages of family and friends disintegrate.
To be honest, it’s a scary thought. I often wonder if that can happen to me too. And the big question is, HOW? How did they end up here?
A few weeks ago we embarked on a mini home improvement project. We agreed on what needed to be done and in what order. My wife is extremely resourceful, she had scoured the web for DIY tutorials and instructions. Which she gladly passed along to ….yes me. “Oh, its quite simple to do, and takes only about half an hour, I saw it on youtube,” she says. This half an hour tasks usually end up taking me a whole day. But lets focus, that’s a discussion for another day.
Our mini project involved painting a couple of walls. Which I managed to do quite well ( or so I thought) until my wife pointed out a few corners that had some flaws. I tried to redo those corners, but as hard as I tried I wasn’t able to get a professional finish.
I was almost convinced that it was impossible to get the corners right. So I decided to check out how corners were finished off in every building that I went into.
I started with my church the very next day. looked from corner to corner and noticed all the flaws. The day after that at my children’s schools, the same thing, I noticed all the corner flaws. I did the same the next day at work.
I noticed buildings that had previously looked nice suddenly started to look not so good and the only thing that had changed was my mindset. I had started going into buildings looking for flaws, and it turns out, that is all I noticed. The flaws weren’t new, they had always been there.
Then it hit me, in relationships, if all you are looking for are flaws…..you will see them. And that is probably one major factor responsible for most relationship breakdowns.
Simply put, stop focussing on the flaws in your partner.