The innocence of chaos

So while I was learning how to let go and churning all my insides, again and again, to find a way out and to create a shell free of this attachment. I constantly propelled myself in chaos, as it seemed natural and quite embracing. It was like rolling dices arbitrarily and waiting for the most fitting outcome, an outcome that would start the engines again, an epiphany, a new beginning. However, the ‘most fitting outcome’ never came but for better or for worse, I learned a thing or two, about chaos, and how it unravels.
See, once you’re inside the swamp of chaos, the thing you need to remember is that, it’s always bigger than you because it might seem ephemeral at first but before you know it, like quicksand, it will sink you in and all your thoughts will spin inside its swirling. Remember, chaos has been known to destroy the memory of inception, the image of the place where you began, making it harder to find your way back.
Secondly, remember that chaos is like a child, innocent and wild. And it is this innocence that’s addictive, that’s seductive, and that gives comfort that gives hope. But trust me, the coin can flip any which way. It could be damaging, it could be rewarding, and it could be anything, just about anything. It is in this innocence that chaos finds its beauty, its stillness, its courage to fight destiny but also it finds its appetite, its big monstrous appetite.
And here, as I write about chaos, I want these words to anchor me to the ground, to tell me that something’s not right, that something has perished from my horizon and that my way has been lost but through these words I have my assurance that I have planted the seeds deep beneath the ground. And as I take on this journey again, I hope to find them again.
Nothing comes to me in the form that I expect; nothing materializes as per the image in my head. And I pray……..
Chaos, embrace me
Chaos, relive me
Chaos, make me forget
Oh Chaos, you’re innocent
