Newshour in the Animal Kingdom

Animals across the country are fuming at the ‘meat ban’ declared by the BJP Government in Uttar Pradesh- a move which quickly spread to six other states,all lead by BJP Governments. Since it’s not a ‘meat’ ban at all, but specifically, a ban on cow slaughter only. Chickens in particular are outraged at this blatant favouritism. Chief Hen of the CIA party (Chicks in India) had a great deal to say about this development: “for a long time, we have been slaughtered mercilessly in this country while the lazy cows have lived it up in glory- they are protected and worshiped while we are not even considered animals! Humans look at us and see tangri kebabs and butter chicken! It’s an outrage!” And it’s not just the chickens - goats, too are furious. “Are we not four legged animals?! Are we not found in villages and are white? What do cows have that we don’t?”

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However, not all factions of the animal kingdom are unhappy with this development. The fishes of Bengal are hoping the rise of hindutva in Indian politics will spread to the region where they are so badly prosecuted. After all, weren’t they an avatar of Lord Vishnu? Do they not deserve to be protected too, if cows were being granted special status in accordance to these human religions? Indeed, rats- often neglected in today’s society are hoping this will propel them to stardom too. They’ve waited a long time to be given the due they feel they are owed- but are willing to settle for any reaction other than unecessary screaming whenever humans come in contact with them.

It seems that the shifting politics of humans have managed to affect status quo of the animal kingdom as well. While some from the lower rungs of the hierarchy have been woken in protest, others, till now settled comfortably in at the top are apprehensive of the changes to come. After all, one can never fully trust the logic of the two legged creatures. Can they guarentee that VIA’s (very important animals) like the tiger, lion and elephants will not face prosecution next?

When this reporter asked the cows, the centerpriece of this scandal, what their opinion was about all this, all we got was a blink and a MOOO (it might have been a no, hard to tell). Dogs, who are neutral on this topic, had a philosophical take on this issue. They feel, it is unfair of the hoomans to impose their ideals on everyone else. They tried to instill the love of chewing things to their fellow bretherens the cats- and were unsuccessful to say the least. So they’ve learnt to abide by the moto, live and let live.

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