My Theory On Cats

Oft dos thou wonder at the gears that turn in the head of my domesticated cat. What the hell is going on in her head that make her haunch her back and hop sideways into a room, rather than walk like a normal person? Why, at 10PM, will she wander into a room slowly, then spin in a circle like her head is on fire, do a backflip, and run into her kitty litter kennel? And why, oh why, stand at the top of your kitty tower, stare at your shadow on the wall, and jump at it? As you jumped, little kitty, you splatted on the wall and put your claws out to hold onto something, but nay, you slid down. There was no sympathy for you that day, live with your decision as you slide down the wall. The question of “why do cats do what they do” might simply be a question of “how.” I have a theory.
I am convinced, that my cat, along with all other cats, are actually 2 very small men operating intricately in cat outfits. It’s high-tech innards allow cats to purr, meow, cuddle, and make whatever noises of madness we hear outside in the alley at 3AM. Far-fetched? Nay, think of the two little men operating the cat like the classic man powered train car. You know, the two guys pumping up and down to make it move. Same concept here, except they’re in a cat outfit, one guy in the front operating the head and his legs are the front legs of the cat. The guy behind him is leaning over, operating the back legs and in control of the digestive systems. Sound like a “shitty” job :D ? Sorry. Actually, that is a very important job, to operate the digestive systems means you have control over which territory is most strategic to you.
Nobody gets it right, that’s why these guys get 9 lives to figure out their strategy. THEREFORE! The stranger and more bizarre the cat, the more lives it has. The operators are figuring out their schemes. When at cat is well adjusted-ish, and appears more “normal” (as normal as a cat can be) it’s the sign of less lives, but a more cohesion between the two little men operating the cat from within. Think I’m crazy? Go look at a cat for a few hours. When they’re not sleeping of course.
