Is Social Media for Connection or Disconnection?
I gave up social media for a week — here’s what changed.
After yet another night of laying on the couch scrolling through Twitter and Instagram well after my wife had gone to bed, I sat up and thought to myself, “what a stupid waste of time. I’m tired — why am I not in bed sleeping?”
The next day I resolved that I would give up social media entirely for one week and see how my day-to-day life changed. I assumed it would have a positive impact on my life, but I also wanted to be objective about any perceived changes. I wrote down a handful of questions that I would respond to every morning throughout the week.
How do I feel? How did I sleep last night? How did I interact with my family yesterday? How productive was I?
Day 1 — Sunday
I got up about the same time I usually do on any Sunday, around 6:30am (I have a 3.5-year-old daughter who is an early riser as well). I grabbed my phone impulsively and checked my notifications then… opened Instagram. I immediately recalled my social media purge and closed it before looking at anything. Off to a great start.
The rest of the day played out better, although I did open Instagram thoughtlessly one other time before immediately closing it. There were plenty of other instances when I felt compelled to scroll through my feeds but resisted.
It was a little disturbing how my mind craved a hit of social media, with my fingers hovering over the apps multiple times before coming to my senses. I was habitually picking up my phone to open an app with no deliberate action in mind — not searching for an answer to something or responding to a message. It was like a hot summer day when I was young and bored at home, frequently returning to the refrigerator to see if anything new had magically appeared that would spark joy.
I feel that I had more patience with my children and interacted with them more. I also dove into a new book, which I thoroughly enjoy doing but often mismanage my time so that I waste it scrolling on my phone instead of reading something of value. I played a game of Scrabble with my wife while sharing a pint. The latter being fairly common, the former not as much.
During the evening witching hours with our children, I felt much more productive — cooked a healthy dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, didn’t allow myself to be distracted. That night I went to bed shortly after my wife and slept great (admittedly a large part of this equation was that both my children slept well too).
Day 1 conclusion: I succeeded albeit with two brief hiccups. I was more present with my family and better managed my time. Disturbed by the habitual nature of checking social media apps. Some apps took notice of my absence and started sending notifications for posts I had missed.
Day 2 — Monday
I got up earlier than usual at about 5:40am after a good night of sleep and gave myself about 30 minutes of uninterrupted reading time before my daughter got up. No phone to distract from my reading.
When my daughter got up, I did our usual routine of go potty, drink water, and chat for a minute. Then she asked if I would do a puzzle with her, which I almost surely would have said no to last week because I’d be “busy.” I obliged and we finished a 60-piece puzzle before it was time to start getting ready for preschool.
During the day at my office I would pick up my phone out of habit every so often despite knowing it didn’t notify me, but never opened any social media apps. I did, however, continue to have the urge to consume content. I had blocked out my schedule and during my breaks, instead of browsing through social media I would open up ESPN and scroll through the sports news, find a Medium article to read, or look at my Google News section for anything that caught my eye. This sufficiently scratched my itch, but also made me question if I was just trading time-wasters.
I again made a decent dinner before the wife and I had to head back to school for a parent orientation. After putting the kids to bed, we decided to watch a comedy special on Netflix — a decision reached much quicker sans cell phone. Too many times has this portion of an evening ended with one or both of us too distracted with something on our phones to decide what to watch together.
Day 2 conclusion: A total success in terms of avoiding social media, but still had cravings to consume media. I was more intentional with my time and therefore more productive, including some morning time with my older daughter that I wouldn’t have usually given so easily (shame on me).
Day 3 — Tuesday
I’m always up extra early for personal training clients on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but Tuesdays are usually a struggle to get out the door on time. Not because I don’t give myself enough time, but that I waste too much time looking at my phone. I would usually rationalize this by telling myself I need a little mental stimulation to wake me up at 4:45am, but it’s a compulsion. Today, though, I stuck to my Morning Brew newsletter with coffee and left on time.
I completed a full workout for the first time in a couple weeks. Not that I haven’t exercised in a couple weeks, but I would — you guessed it, waste too much time on my phone — and need to cut my workout short. Not today.
Not sure if this is coincidence or not, but the amount of spam calls I’ve received over the last two days has skyrocketed. Perhaps Facebook has been making welfare calls? I’ve also received the same app notifications on my phone multiple times. Thanks for the reminders Zuck, but I’m ignoring you on purpose.
I felt a bit of FOMO today, missing posts from the handful of people I follow closely. Still, though, the most pressing feeling throughout the day was the need to visually consume something, to be mentally stirred, to learn something no matter how relevant or trivial. Part of me thinks this is a noble desire — to be curious and constantly wanting to learn something new. Another part of me admits that I use this as a distraction from things that I really should be doing.
This phenomenon is a mix of procrastination, indecisiveness, and fear of missing out on a better opportunity. This is a real problem of mine. I’ve known it for some time, but this exercise has helped me confront it. Hopefully it’ll help me overcome it.
Day 3 conclusion: Realization that social media made it easier to distract myself, and for longer periods, but is not necessarily the reason I can be less productive. I’ve found other media to distract myself with for shorter periods of time, which may be a small victory but still just a distraction nonetheless. With less time on my phone, I felt less stress throughout the day and was more present with my family.
Day 4 — Wednesday
Following a rough night with my 10-month-old daughter, I still got up with enough time to read for about 10 minutes before tackling parental duties for the school morning. I would have enjoyed more time, but no doubt it was 10 minutes more than I would have spent last week.
I had one mindless click at the office to open LinkedIn, but quickly closed it before the window loaded. Yes, I gave up LinkedIn as well because while it is useful for some business purposes, I most often found myself reading the top news links or scrolling for interesting posts, which leads to other links, which leads to… It’s a rabbit hole — just like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram — but dressed for business.
My wife and I took our girls to the zoo in the evening. Pro dad tip: extended summertime hours at the zoo make for a great way to entertain energetic kids before bed — not that crowded, cooler weather, different animals are more active, and it’s a nice walk as the sun sets.
Day 4 conclusion: Productivity and family time increased. I had fewer cravings — for anything. I’ve cooked every meal at home and eaten less junk.
Day 5 — Thursday
More of the same.
While discussing with my wife what I’ve been experimenting with, I asked if she’s noticed any differences with me. She immediately offered, “yes.” She went on to say that I’ve been more present and acknowledged that I’ve spent more time with her and the kids. Good things.
The conversation then took a turn to how damaging social media can be and the state of our world (this sounds ominous, but we didn’t get that deep into it as I have a strong mood preservation instinct). My wife, who is an average user of social media, claimed that it’s been a terrible influence on society. I agree that it certainly has done damage, but it’s not all bad. Admittedly (shamefully?), I will jump back on the social platforms on Sunday, but I intend to limit my usage and continue to be more intentional with my time. Good intentions pave the road…
Day 5 conclusion: Nothing new to report.
Day 6/7 — Friday/Saturday
Thursday night would usually be one of those nights where I stay up later than I should for no valid reason, just browsing social media, but not this week. I made it to bed at a reasonable time and got up a little earlier than usual as well.
I’ll spare you the rest of the details of my weekend. I survived the week without social media, but not without media. I suspect a week without using my phone for anything other than calls and messages would be both far more difficult and revealing.
Final Conclusions
In no meaningful order, here are my biggest takeaways from this experience:
- There was less tension at home. I was present with my family and was more willing to engage with them. I didn’t have anything that I had to finish watching, no comments to read, no memes to send my friends, nothing to scroll through — in fact, most of the time I usually didn’t even have my phone with me at home.
- I better managed my time and was more productive both with work and home life. I cooked almost every meal at home and prepared lunches to take with me when I would be at the office.
- I had fewer cravings of all kinds — particularly for junk food or to buy something. The first few days I would still compulsively grab my phone and look for notifications or mindlessly open social media apps, but that subsided later in the week.
- I slept better. I usually went to bed earlier as well as got up earlier. I felt better rested most mornings.
- I realized how short my attention span has become. I am constantly looking for mental stimulation from somewhere. Instead of turning to social media though, which often can be a rabbit hole of both worthwhile and worthless content, I read more from a book and other more worthwhile media outlets.
- My mind was less cluttered. Surely better sleep and diet contributed to that as well, but nonetheless it’s an improvement regardless of the root cause.
- My wife and I agreed that our children will not be allowed to use social media until age 16. The age is somewhat arbitrary, but I want them to be mature enough to handle both instant gratification and instant criticism. I also don’t want them to forsake time spent on sports, exercise, socializing with friends face to face, or other extracurricular activities and hobbies in favor of social media.
I will wrap up with a quote from Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist and professor at NYU, given in an interview with Morning Brew. Referring to social media, he says:
“Suppose 50 years ago someone said they have something that will take 30–40 hours out of your week and won’t do much for you otherwise. Would I sign up for it? Are you crazy — no way! But somehow we did.”
I’m less pessimistic on the whole of what social media can offer us, but I agree the impact is immense. We’ve surely allowed it to have a greater influence than we would have agreed to before its proliferation.
Social media was conceived in order to connect us, but perhaps we allowed it to connect us to more than we bargained for while disconnecting us from what we really need.