And If So, What Does That Mean?

Joel Embiid has been one of the most talked about players among NBA nerds for a while. His performance in Wednesday night’s nationally televised game against the Lakers — 46 points (on 20 shots!), 15 rebounds, 7 assists, 7 blocks — may have vaulted him into a household-holy shit this guy is for real for real for real- name.

And to think, he did it all at just 69%.

If he really is only at 69(nice)% of his potential, that means The Process is capable of putting up numbers of 66, 22, 10, and 10 which would be


I just watched the movie Split. You know, this one.

I liked it. I thought it was pretty good. I really liked the twist that (spoiler alert) the movie is a low-key sequel to Unbreakable. Or, takes place in the same world as Unbreakable. Or, whatever the fuck.

But the actual scene that reveals the twist? Oh man. That reveal scene at the end was a real clunker. Stiff. Goofy. Laugh out loud stupid. So I re-wrote it a buncha times that I think would make it better. You get that — from the title of this jawn.

OK…


I love the NBA. You love the NBA. You don’t? Stop reading then, dummy.

Anyways, the league is in a great place right now, in terms of talent, popularity, and level of play, but that doesn’t stop it from being plagued with issues like “Super-teams” and “Tanking” and “Hack-a-Shaqs” (it should always be “Shaq” stop putting in other players’ names it’s no longer a beautiful poem).

NBA nerds like me have countless suggestions for fixing the problems facing the league. I don’t want to do the dirty work of actually coming up with ideas myself, I just want to critique…


Deciding a season’s MVP can be…complex.

Part of the problem is that the term “Most Valuable Player” is vague and unclear. Is it the best overall player in the game? The best player on the best team? How good does the team have to be? Is it whoever puts up the craziest stats for the season? But what if that guy doesn’t make the playoffs?

This season, another huge bump in the MVP deciding road is that solid arguments can be made for at least four players to be named MVP. Russell Westbrook, James Harden, LeBron James, and Kawhi Leonard…


The fires of Mt. Doom ain’t got shit on what’s going on inside this noggin.

Right here in this noggin, Donny

If a government wants total control over their people, a good way to start is getting them to surrender their rights. Getting them to surrender their rights is as easy as conjuring up things for them to be afraid of so they can trade those rights in for security. If you want to find things for people to be afraid of, look no further than the inside of my stupid, idiot, scared-ass, little head.

In a move taken straight from page one of the Let’s Test People to See How Easy they Will Give Up Their Rights Handbook our government…


So let’s try to wrap this up by NBA playoff season, okay?

I have attended more protests since Donald Trump has been elected President than ever before in my entire life.

I don’t know if I’ve ever protested anything before. There was that one time in third grade where I tried to organize a strike on homework after getting really into the movie Newsies but I don’t think that counts. It didn’t really get off the ground anyways. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is for a 9-year-old boy to sing and dance to strike songs alone?

Every day of Trump’s presidency seems to bring new atrocious actions that rile…


If it can happen to that SNL writer, then it can happen to me

Did you know that you can be fired from your job for writing jokes on Twitter? I better look through my history to see how much trouble I’m in.

This is my most recent tweet. I know there’s a lot of controversy over whether or not it’s okay to punch Nazis, and if you want to know more about what I think about that, you can listen to the Friendship Buddies podcast tomorrow. You can probably tell by that tweet that I’m “pro” Nazi punches. But I guess this could probably get me fired. Maybe if I worked for…


Honor Dr. King’s legacy by breaking down all this cardboard

If anybody has the day off today and would be interested in volunteering I’ve got a lot of stuff around my apartment that could be done.

I just moved, and my new place could use a lot of cleaning. Maybe some painting. Hanging up a few pictures would sure make the place feel like home. The company I work for doesn’t seem to think giving their employees the day off to honor Civil Rights activist Martin Luther King, Jr. is a good idea, so I can’t do it all myself. …


“Damn, damn, damn, What I’d do to have you, Here, here, here, I wish you were here.” — Avril Lavigne

And then some explanations in case the GIFs don’t make sense on their own


An open letter to the world’s best person

I wish I was more like you.

I saw you notice the poster and run to it. You turned to your friends and pointed at the poster excitedly. I couldn’t hear what you were saying but I can tell based on your expression and body language.

“Hey guys! Look! There’s gonna be another one of these movies! The first one was awesome! They’re making another one! Whoopie!!!!”

I want my life to be full of that kind of wonder. I want to be surprised by a poster for a movie sequel that was obviously going to happen since the day…

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store