I just watched the movie Split. You know, this one.

I liked it. I thought it was pretty good. I really liked the twist that (spoiler alert) the movie is a low-key sequel to Unbreakable. Or, takes place in the same world as Unbreakable. Or, whatever the fuck.

But the actual scene that reveals the twist? Oh man. That reveal scene at the end was a real clunker. Stiff. Goofy. Laugh out loud stupid. So I re-wrote it a buncha times that I think would make it better. You get that — from the title of this jawn.

OK…

I love the NBA. You love the NBA. You don’t? Stop reading then, dummy.

Anyways, the league is in a great place right now, in terms of talent, popularity, and level of play, but that doesn’t stop it from being plagued with issues like “Super-teams” and “Tanking” and “Hack-a-Shaqs” (it should always be “Shaq” stop putting in other players’ names it’s no longer a beautiful poem).

NBA nerds like me have countless suggestions for fixing the problems facing the league. I don’t want to do the dirty work of actually coming up with ideas myself, I just want to critique…

Deciding a season’s MVP can be…complex.

Part of the problem is that the term “Most Valuable Player” is vague and unclear. Is it the best overall player in the game? The best player on the best team? How good does the team have to be? Is it whoever puts up the craziest stats for the season? But what if that guy doesn’t make the playoffs?

This season, another huge bump in the MVP deciding road is that solid arguments can be made for at least four players to be named MVP. Russell Westbrook, James Harden, LeBron James, and Kawhi Leonard…

If a government wants total control over their people, a good way to start is getting them to surrender their rights. Getting them to surrender their rights is as easy as conjuring up things for them to be afraid of so they can trade those rights in for security. If you want to find things for people to be afraid of, look no further than the inside of my stupid, idiot, scared-ass, little head.

In a move taken straight from page one of the Let’s Test People to See How Easy they Will Give Up Their Rights Handbook our government…

I have attended more protests since Donald Trump has been elected President than ever before in my entire life.

I don’t know if I’ve ever protested anything before. There was that one time in third grade where I tried to organize a strike on homework after getting really into the movie Newsies but I don’t think that counts. It didn’t really get off the ground anyways. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is for a 9-year-old boy to sing and dance to strike songs alone?

Every day of Trump’s presidency seems to bring new atrocious actions that rile…

Did you know that you can be fired from your job for writing jokes on Twitter? I better look through my history to see how much trouble I’m in.

This is my most recent tweet. I know there’s a lot of controversy over whether or not it’s okay to punch Nazis, and if you want to know more about what I think about that, you can listen to the Friendship Buddies podcast tomorrow. You can probably tell by that tweet that I’m “pro” Nazi punches. But I guess this could probably get me fired. Maybe if I worked for…

If anybody has the day off today and would be interested in volunteering I’ve got a lot of stuff around my apartment that could be done.

I just moved, and my new place could use a lot of cleaning. Maybe some painting. Hanging up a few pictures would sure make the place feel like home. The company I work for doesn’t seem to think giving their employees the day off to honor Civil Rights activist Martin Luther King, Jr. is a good idea, so I can’t do it all myself. …