This article is so true. I spent most of my younger adult life (up to age 35) awash in anger and confusion. I dealt with both states of being by drinking too much (leading to severe alcoholism), numbing myself with drug use, and sleeping with as many women as I could. Every one of those responses is viewed as “normal” by males, in general.
My anger came from a childhood bereft of encouragement for any emotional state other than “suck it up”. My confusion came from my anger. I was like a bear with something stinging it occasionally, but always in a different place. I’m not sure what clicked to bring me awareness of my screwed up state of being, but I ended up enrolling in treatment, then getting divorced, then beginning therapy and getting physically healthy again. I still fight a daily battle with my anger and am remaining single until I feel that I have enough coping mechanisms that I don’t inflict my inner rage and antipathy on anyone else.
I’m slowly easing back into the dating scene, five years after my divorce, but it’s very difficult for me to find intimacy with anyone, for fear that I haven’t progressed far enough on my path to be “safe”.