shoutout to

Screw You, Social Media Handle-Hoarders

So you finally decide on the perfect social media handle that you’re comfortable using across platforms. Let’s say it represents your brand clearly or communicates something unique about you that you think you’re followers will get a kick out of.

You start on the path to lock them down one by one and even get some success early on (score!). Then you get to platform X and notice that someone has unfortunately claimed your handle.

That’s not all bad. Sometimes we’re late to the party. No one is criticizing the early bird. Unless of course, said early bird’s page looks like this:

Who is your ONE follower?!?

Here’s where I get hot and where I think the social media powers that be should offer to cool me down.

Why are accounts like this allowed to remain active?

It’s clear that this person (who obviously cannot claim to be the real Aaron J. Barnes) does not plan to post anything else to Instagram. I mean, this picture clearly does not make the most use of Instagram’s built-in features to ramp up enjoyment or engagement for that matter (e.g., filters, hashtags).

This post was made back in 2012!

Yeah, I liked the picture. I’m petty. Yes, I had to make use of the dreadful underscore to get something close to the name I wanted. Yes, the other person who liked the pic was their ONE follower (hurray for 100% engagement?).

No, s/he didn’t respond to my polite request to swap names.

Open your calculator to see how long ago 99 weeks was. Smh.

I know I’m not alone in facing this problem. Nor am I exempt from URL hoarding when it comes to business ideas. The difference is that I go back and relinquish my ownership over the name when it’s clear that I’m not going to use it. It’s like leaving your Garage Sale sign up well after your closed up shop. Don’t do it unless you want uninvited guests visiting your page and asking you for stuff.

Is there a way around this that I don’t know about? Help me, please.