Let’s try this visually.
Your points have exhausted me, for my points to be viewed as rational, your perspective would have to be open to being proved irrational. Instead of proving you irrational, and then explaining my point to an irrational biased audience, here are some more words because I have your attention.
Dealing with depression is rough. I remember when my mother was suicidal and reaching out to me. Dealing with that as a teenager wasn’t fun, but I learned a lot from it. I learned early on, she didn’t want my help, or anyone’s help. She wanted to feel better, about herself, and her thoughts. Nothing she ever shared had anything to do with me. Accept for how it effected me.
People with depression and mental health disorders miss the part about how their experience effects everyone else. The thought seems to be, “sharing my misery will help me feel better”. No matter how or why you plead life, when you are depressed, no one can tell you about life.
The breath of my point is this, expressing your problem to your community will only result in the type of help they have at their immediate disposal. Anecdotal.
If the author was attempting to illicit empathy and validation, which are higher order functions of communication, they should exercise the same in their communication with their community. If she wants or needs help(empathy and validation) she should ask for it. This is not what she wrote about.
Complaining about a problem, and then complaining about the help you receive, makes you an asshole and the problem(mental health disorder, or cancer, etc). If she wasn’t asking for help, what was she talking about her mental illness for? If she does ask for help, i.e.
“I struggle with mental illness, I’d like to talk about it with you, but all you can offer are words of validation and empathy, then when I feel heard, maybe I’ll be open to feedback, can you support me with that?”
That would be her taking accountability for herself and responsibility for what it is she wants and needs to feel better about the depression experience she is having.
This is what trained clinicians are for, to help societies members deal with the problems of integration. It’s such a difficult task, we, as a society develop whole manuals about the types of people that don’t fit into our “norm”, and now pay people to teach others how to be mentally healthy. I was one of those people.
I got paid to restrain 15yr girls when they’d slice their arms up with bics -you know, routine visits home with pedophile dad is a pain she can never control. My clients depression were symptoms of other mental health disorders in their community.
Adults who sexually assault children have a mental health disorder, not unlike a host of other personality disorders- like depression. If the person with depression isn’t responsible for their sickness and behavior, the logic would apply to all mental health disorders.
Empathy and validation for a depressed person is happy hour for an alcoholic, neither have to do anything to feel better.
The one who is sick needs help determining what medicine to take, to feel better with life. If she did do this, and asked for exactly what she wanted or needed, she would have put herself in a position to receive the rewards of her effort.
Now, if she does put the effort out to ask for the help she claims to want, or need, and only gets spoils? Her effort is where the problem lies.
Which I first pointed at in my first response. Not an effort to be less depressed, but an effort to helpful to others when they need help. The people the author was talking to, they need her help with directions on how to deal with her problem. Otherwise, her problem grows when they don’t read her mind and give her what she needs.
How and why would another person do what you expect them to do, if not directly communicated?
THE HOW AND THE WHY
If I don’t receive the help I ASKS FOR, and I don’t ask myself, “how can I do this myself? and why don’t I do this myself?” I can’t see how others perceive me. If you can’t see how others perceive you, your self deceives you.
If you ask for help you don’t need, you won’t get it. If you don’t talk about your problems, you wont hear about them. If you don’t try to solve your problem, no one else will. Now, if you believe your problem is something only someone else can help you with, and you’ve asked in a way that you yourself would have responded to-if you still don’t get the help you need, you are either surrounded by assholes, or you’re the asshole. Either way, only you can change the situation.