AARON’S COMING OUT PARTY (episode 22)

So the biggest news we have for you right now is that Aaron has come out as bisexual, in an iPhone note posted to Twitter:

Why did Aaron include a blind item in his coming-out statement??? WHO is his lover from age 17???

Also, Aaron and Madison broke up, which we hate. Fox News says the bisexuality caused the break, but there are lots of narratives flying around:

Aaron Carter says his bisexuality caused his recent breakup

The news of the breakup broke in this now-deleted tweet:

Indeed.

Although Aaron later claimed the split was amicable, he made some shady tweets before the breakup was final:

But not like…funny ha-ha

Let’s hope so.

Is Aaron coming out as a PR stunt? Instinct Magazine considers:

Are People Claiming To Be LGBT For A Career Boost?

Is Aaron still a straight icon? If Madonna can be a gay icon, then like…yes, right? What about James Dean and all the other “straight” queer icons of old Hollywood? Are bisexual people de facto eligible for both straight and gay iconicity? Tell us in the comments, Aaronators.

At the podcast, we’re deeply worried about Aaron’s newly unleashed thirst.

Also, it’s we 100% believe that Aaron Carter and Chris Crocker have fucked.

Is Aaron Carter a part of the queer community as a professed bisexual???

Finally, is Aaron Carter a twink? Was he a twink? Is he a former twink? PLEASE weigh in. These are questions that desperately need answering.

Nick Carter’s silence on the issue of Aaron’s sexuality is DEAFENING in this moment.

Madison is still our queen, even if she isn’t Aaron’s anymore. :( Our hearts go out to Madison during this difficult time.

Way to keep it classy, Madison.

Aaron has lashed out via Instagram story:

Aaron appears to be getting rid of Madison’s clothes in a really mean way.

Like…was this necessary.

LET IT GO, Aaron.

Check out Aaron’s new song, allegedly about Madison, “Hard to Love”:

He’s hard to love because he loves too hard :’(

As Aaron experts, we had to repeat this rumor we found about regarding Aaron and Elijah Wood.

Upon closer inspection, the graphic detail in this account make it obvious that this is some kind of fanfiction masquerading as gossip. Although we think it’s plausible that Aaron and Elijah might have been intimate.

Aaron has been tweeting about his love of MacCauley Culkin, who is weirdly also Paris Jackson’s godfather:

Aaron wants us to remember that he knows famous people.

Aaron also broke outsome black trans slang to address Paris:

Can white bisexuals say “yas”? We think not.

Aaron, freshly single, asked Chloe Moretz (born in literally 1997) on a date (Aaron is almost 30):

Also, as a bisexual, Aaron has declared his love for Will and Grace.

I too am obsessed with Megan Mullally.

Aaron needs a job:

I’d watch this.

Button your shirt, Drake.

Aaron also admitted a desire to collaborate with Ed Sheeran, that paragon of white mediocrity. Like, yikes.

This amazing news surfaced this month, however. Namely, that Taylor Swift, as a child, left her headshot and contact info for Aaron at one of his shows:

I personally am looking forward to hating Tay’s forthcoming record.

Finally, is this tweet a veiled reference to Justin Bieber?

We have a new corner for you today, namely, the acting out corner.

First, Aaron was seen hawking his mom’s backyard bred puppies. This is absolutely wrong. Adopt!

Stop abusing animals, Carters. Yikes.

Nothing has changed at all!!!(????)

Aaron then proceeded to try to auction off his underwear via Instagram Live:

He also humped a Teen Choice Award:

Why :/

He also said, onstage on Instagram live, “Not to be pedantic, but William Shakespeare is my great great great great uncle. Maybe that’s why I’m such a good writer.”

Not to be pedantic, but Aaron is not using the word pedantic correctly:

Aaron definitely has a way with words…but it’s not always the right way.

Aaron posted this disturbing image to his Snapchat story:

Two corndogs?! He’s bisexual.

Also, for your consideration, please see Aaron’s penis bump:

Aaron’s horny level is through the roof right now.

Finally, witness Aaron horsing around with his publicist, Joe Jaxson:

In my opinion, if they weren’t fucking, Aaron would be wearing a shirt in this picture. Also this tweet got deleted! [eyes emoji]

Finally, Aaron got surgery in early August:

We found out that Aaron is being secretive about the surgery because he plans to do a big reveal about it on CBS‘s The Doctors, a daytime TV show hosted by quacks. Watch here:

Aaron weirdly greeted the TMZ tour bus without disclosing a single detail about the surgery:

We especially love the little boy who throws his hands up when Aaron says he’s okay at the end of the video.

Aaron’s Saturn return is imminent. Take a look at his chart:

Because of retrogrades, Aaron has had Saturn conjunct with his natal Saturn TWICE already this year (January 7–15, July 17–23 [he was arrested during this second conjunction]). He should be bracing for a third conjunction with his natal Saturn from September 27 to October 7!

We think the tumultuous summer Aaron has had, his run-ins with the law, and even the loss of his father, can be related to his Saturn transits. We wish him the best during this difficult time.

Read about Saturn’s tenure in Sagittarius here.

Poetry corner comes from Wayne Koestenbaum’s Humiliation.

Please also consider this Goya painting.

!! CHANTING CORNER !!

Make sure that you chant along! #IChantAlong

Thanks so much for coming with us on our journey into Aaron. Remember, this is Aaron’s party…we’re just living in it.

PLEASE leave us a review on iTunes!