Ha! I can relate.
I have had to learn to be pretty quiet lately. It’s alarming that hate speech and untruths are better received than calm authenticity these days- terrifying actually. I find myself most afraid of the venom I hear in people’s comments. Shortly after Kaepernick’s protest began and right when this election was approaching the fever pitch it became, I lost a long time friend. It was so out of the blue. Unearthing. I remember how angry and irrational she sounded. The things she said were disgusting. Afterward I could not unhear her rage. I never will. Where did that come from? It was most unpleasant to grasp that it had been there all along just beneath the surface. That’s what we’ve seen on a larger scale across America this year; rage, spite entitlement, lack of empathy, and systematically induced devaluation of other humans just below the surface, like you said. Terrifying. Those energies are absolutely alarming. Anger for no rational reason will never behave rationally.
Trump did and is indeed serving as a mirror for America. I remember telling the same friend I lost that we weren’t seeing a new America but the real America. All these things. Just below the surface.
I don’t necessarily agree Trump didn’t think he’d win. He doesn’t strike me as the type of misogynist who’d like to publicly shame himself ultimately. He would not have played if he could not have won. That’s my gut instinct. He’s only suffering our open disdain because his role is all about the end game. It also seems unrealistic to think any government characterized by thorough political corruption and massive international + corporate interests would allow a random election to disrupt their end game. It seems reasonable to view it more as an international business deal than an actual election or election gone wrong.
The upside though is that we have spoken and connected with others- many, many others who are equally alarmed and equally disinterested in war for war’s sake. We know that there are billions of people who feel as we do. We know the world is changing. America as it once was is likely no more. Electing a clown pretty much clarifies that America’s international position is experiencing a significant shift. Taking the good with the bad, it’s undeniable, these are truly exciting and intriguing times. Having to deal with our new American realities has forced many of us to be very honest with ourselves and others. I find extreme comfort in that.