Today is not about confidence or inspiration.
I don’t have any advice or 5-step-plans or small tasks to make depression go away. It’s latched onto me as it has countless others, and today it’s dragging me down.
Today is about feeling your pain instead of running from it.
Today, I hope writing it down will remove some weight.
Today I feel alone though I am surrounded by family. I’m isolated — locked inside the cage that is my mind — one that I can’t escape, no matter how hard I try.
Today I haven’t smiled. I haven’t danced around my parents’ home blaring music for my entertainment and theirs.
Today my body feels heavy and so does my mind.
Today I miss my friends. I live 4.5 hours away in a small town because I’m still in college — after 5 years — and can’t afford to move on my own.
Today I miss my partner. Who also lives apart from me. Who’s been by my side for 4 years, standing strong for me when I can’t. Who breathes life back into me on the days it feels like I’m fading. When it takes all my effort to get out of bed and eat.
Today it hurts. All my dreams and wishes are at the forefront of my mind yet out of reach. That voice in my head tells me I’ll never leave my town, never reach my dreams, never be worth anything.
Today, I am allowing myself to feel this pain. I accept the fact that it’s real, and it won’t go anywhere if I run from it, if I keep myself busy, focusing on anything else. I will feel the pain, the anger, the sadness, that hollow feeling…
Today, I feel defeated. And that’s okay.
Because tomorrow, I will get back up. I will find the small joys in my day and conquer what I can.
I won’t stay defeated. I will go on and on and on, until one day I have done everything I dream of doing.
Tomorrow is a new day. The sun will rise — and so will I.
