The Origins of Plouse
A few years *days* ago, a man named Forrest asked me about the “Origins of Plouse”. At first I was hesitant to give him an explanation, after all, I do not owe him one. I also did not believe that he was worthy of an answer. But then I realized: who is? In this piece, I will explain how Plouse came to be, what it is, and how to use it.
My first visit to the island of Plouse
In 1966, I made my first visit to the island of Plouse. The inhabitants of the island, Plousinians, are a very welcoming people. I visited the Island on my way to China, the ship I had stowed away had stopped on the island to refill its fuel reserves. I stayed with a small Arachnid, a family of Plousinians. Plousinians eat foods that are extremely rich in nutrients, especially in fat. The one meal I ate there is the reason I am overweight today.
Your typical Plousinian is dark skinned, and is no taller than 5'6". Both males and females have short hair, and there are very few differences between the two. Plousinians also have a rich history and culture. They walk with their hands, and were shocked to see that I used my feet instead.
Perhaps the main reason I fell in love with the island of Plouse and its people was the language. So simple, so elegant. The entire language is one word: “Plouse”. By using different pitches and tones for the same word, Plousinians can speak to each other for hours.
How I learned the language
What was originally supposed to be a short detour turned out to be a stay of about 6 years. I wished to learn the language, and so I did. I became the padouin of an older Plousinian monk. He taught me everything, I have a very vivid memory of waking up to him carrying me up a mountain. There, he showed me the first Plouse, the Plouse that echoed all Plouses. Once I saw it, I felt as if I had all the power in the world.
As the Plousinian monk and I returned from the mountain, we heard a double Plouse, a Plouse that signals battle. He left me on the mountain and ran towards the battle. He fought a valiant fight, but was killed just 2 minutes into battle. Plouses do not use physical combat, instead they scream “Plouse” in hopes to rupture the others eardrum so they bleed to death.
I ran to the villiage, and found a small hut. I wanted to save as many as possible. I found a small child, and picked him up. Without looking back, I ran, I ran as fast as my chubby legs could. I made it back to my boat, and sailed. As we left the Island, I heard a low pitched Plouse. The last Plouse to ever be heard, they had been defeated. All of them, wiped out, except the one that I was holding in my hand. He was all that was left, a young one, that could barely speak.
Where we went
I named him “Arachnid”, because he will be every Plousinian that ever lived, all rolled up into one. We sailed, for 33 years to be exact. Of course, we did not age at all because of the Plouse water we had been drinking.
Finally, we found our way to the West Coast of the USA, in the year 1999. I hoped to find Arachnid a home, where he could grow and eventually go back to where he came from, and rebirth the Plousinians. Until then, I switched him with a baby that belonged to a couple in Redmond, WA. To this day, I have no idea how the name they gave him came so close to the name I had given him. That boy, is Archan. As for me, I moved to Pennsylvania and started a company called “Plouse Manufacturing”. It has served me well so far.
Plouse: The Word
Now, as described by the Urban dictionary, Plouse is the “perfect word”. I believe it is much more than that. It is the remanent of the greatest people that lived on the face of the earth, the Plousinians.
I hope this satisfies you Forrest,
-Abbad (Plouse) Vakil