Transgender Smiles
It’s nice when we can smile.
So much of being a transgender person involves dealing with the daily conflicts of living in a binary-gender world. This past month, I’ve had a couple of instances where I smiled, and I continue to do so.
As a reminder — I’m bi-gender. Recently, I’ve been more open in public about this middle part of the transgender spectrum. This is to say that I don’t always “dress to pass,” but rather, I dress in a blended fashion.
One day, I was shopping at a Boscov’s store. It’s a chain retail store that I’ve only recently discovered, but have totally fallen in love with. Beautiful range of clothes and jewelry and house products. It reminds me of Sears when it was the Amazon.com of its day.
So — I purchased a set of lamps that were in a box that was a bit cumbersome, but not unmanageable. I’d also purchased a blouse and necklace, which were in a bag on the top of the box. I was wearing a blue skort and a fitted, blue sleeveless top as I held onto my package and navigated aisles and the escalator.
When I got to my truck, a lady entering her car nearby said this:
“Oh! If I’d known we were parked so close, I’d have asked to help you when I saw you on the escalator. I thought, “She’s carrying a lot, I’ll bet she’d appreciate some help.”
:-D
“She’d.”
One word, but what a word.
I didn’t really look like a “she.” I wasn’t trying to look like a “she” such that I’d pass … but that kind woman took a moment from her day to not only express that she’d wished she’d helped, but also acknowledging my non-binary gender.
I’m still smiling.
My second smile came at my church in Delaware.
I’ve recently been attending a very historic (over 300 year old) Presbyterian Church. It’s small, but I love the feel of its history and am comfortable with the messages presented and the people who attend.

I recently “came out” to them, by wearing my bi-gender blend of clothing on Sundays. (It’s a spiritual bonus to be able to have a reason to dress nicely each week.)
I had the privilege to lead the service as the worship leader/liturgist. For those unfamiliar with the role — it’s the person who reads Bible verses and helps with read-and-respond parts in the bulletin.
In short — I’m talking in front of everyone.
Just being accepted in that role is enough to make me smile, but it was the curious interaction with one dear lady, named Sandy, who wouldn’t let go of my hand when she was greeting me. Sandy said this:
“When are you going to let people know about your transition?”
She was very concerned that I’d not made some sort of public announcement of transitioning m-2-f and that some people were afraid to speak to me about it.
“Fear,” in her context , was of not wanting to embarrass me or themselves by trying to be nice and saying something offensive.
I thanked her for her kind wishes and told her that I felt a “public announcement” was a bit self-centered for a worship service. Truthfully — I’m comfortable with where I am, and don’t intend (at least at this point in my life) on making a surgical transition.
Sandy is a woman older than me and who knows really nothing about who I am other than perhaps “that guy who attends our church and now dresses like a woman, but is a great public speaker.”
What makes me smile is that dear Sandy, a rather incidental person in my life, has a genuine concern that I would be accepted well by others “as is.”
I love that.
May we all one day be accepted “as is.”
