I haven’t talked to the Universe for much too long that now, it started to talk to me.

It’s 3:26 AM right now and as usual, I’m still up, having trouble sleeping. I can’t stop myself from taking siestas and in turn, I can’t sleep at night. Not only that, but just when I close my eyes, lots of things rush through my head. A mix of too many randoms, all strong enough; they’re uncontrollable.

It was another unproductive workday. In the middle of my half-hearted attempt to work, I thought about how my current work situation is only slightly different from the previous. Yes, I am now working from home on a flexible schedule. But still, I am accepting “tasks” from other people.

I guess it was around 8 or 9 PM when I googled how to be a content creator. I think I want to be one. A part of me knows I want to be one.

The search results were too boring and endorse-y, I immediately closed the tab when I saw them. Listicles and “tips” from ad-filled websites, pffft! I’m getting too sick of these things.

Here’s a secret that I never share with anybody: almost every night, I imagine myself being interviewed. I imagine being asked why I do the things I do, why I believe in the things I believe in… y’know, stuff like that. And so while tossing and turning in bed right now, I daydreamed that I was a content creator being asked “Why don’t you have sponsored content on your website?”

I’m not a quick thinker but I try my hardest to give satisfactory answers during conversations. I know I’m only daydreaming but even in my imagination, I can see myself fumbling with words, racing with my mind, trying to disperse the huge rushing wave of thoughts. Obviously, I’m failing to answer with grace as I cannot speak my very disorganized draft that’s still being written in my head. I give up.

I turn to Twitter and scroll through tweets that I saw just a few minutes ago. There was a new tweet from The Oatmeal. A comic about the brown grocery bag. It’s becoming a habit of mine to check out comments from whatever content I’m consuming in the internet, so I checked on this tweet’s. There were only three. Two patronizing ones and one… I don’t know… hurtful(?) one.

I’m a fan of Matt and reading that comment made me sad that there are people being rude to him. The comic wasn’t damn hilarious but why did some dude, who was probably following him, have to be so negative? Moving on, I refreshed my feed again and again, hoping to devour something else. A new tweet from Matt came out and I was surprised to see that he had a conversation with the disappointed-fan/commenter. He shared a screenshot and a link to an old comic he made.

Surprise, surprise. It’s a comic about being a content creator: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things

Welp, this is probably the Universe talking to me. I don’t understand yet what it’s trying to say but it compelled me to write this. I was thinking of just tweeting but I knew I’d have too much to say.

This is word vomit. I know there are a lot of mistakes and this whole thing probably doesn’t make sense but who is reading this anyway? I’ve been dead for months now. A deadwood floating in the sea. Kailan ba ko sisipagin ulit? Ang tagal tagal ko nang walang gana na gumawa ng kahit na ano. Palagi na lang akong nagsasayang ng oras at nanonood ng anime. Kailan ba ko ulit magigising at mabubuhayan ng dugo? Hintay ako ng hintay. Aba, sobrang tagal na. Buwan na ang lumipas, ganito pa din.