Setting Self Love Ablaze
The kind of edges that dictate my actions and allow for a jagged balance between good decisions and bad alike. Without them, things roll past me without thought, without consideration, and that’s more than just a metaphorical slope to be walking on.
Originally published on The Odyssey https://www.theodysseyonline.com/soul-fires
I had been pursuing my dreams with zero hesitation. I had peeled myself away from the opinions of others and my choices were beginning to function only pure and true to myself. Months go by. A simple glance past a mirror had left me puzzled.
I place my hands on my face and through my hair. I poke out my lips and raise my brows. I look the same. My hair still does nothing I ask of it, and my iris is still a flaming orange. Yet, the reflection I see is missing quite a few edges.
The kind of edges that can be heard in my voice. The kind of edges that dictate my actions and allow for a jagged balance between good decisions and bad alike. Without them, things roll past me without thought, without consideration, and that’s more than just a metaphorical slope to be walking on.
Wondering what ground me down to an object much less sharp and far more blunt, I began reflecting on the moment of change. Flashes of him screen through my mind, and I turn to face the truth that I was already well aware of. I had let another person become more important. I had let it consume me.
It was honestly amazing, for what it’s worth. If one soul could ever truly intertwine with another’s, ours did. Sometimes though, I think a fire can be too hot, too unmanageable, too inconvenient to be starting in the midst of an ongoing forest fire. Not something that should be without control. Things caught ablaze too quickly, and other things began to burn down, fast. I couldn’t figure out how such a good thing could end faster than my pink nail polish was able to chip off, and when things end, it’s just you again. You and the truth.
The truth was that I let my dreams and growth take a backseat, even if only for a moment.
Between the fire, and the mirror, and the moment of inner reflection, I realized something important. Nothing good for you, in the moment, will take away from you growing. That is not to say, that a person isn’t right, or a situation, no. What I mean, is that we as growing human beings need to love ourselves enough to decide that our continued growth is too important to just stop when we feel a spark. I’ve learned that it’s OK for us to have a spark, it’s OK to have a fire. We must learn to set personal boundaries. So maybe, use a fire pit, and not burn the whole damn forest down.
For now, I’ve got some seeds to water.
