Self Destruction Tasted So Sweet

My first girlfriend was a pill addict.

she was a ticking time bomb

a loaded gun and an itchy trigger finger

a conglomerate of all the hurt, false love, and misuse for a lifetime

a deadly sweet concoction of pills enough to knock out the hardened addict

a manic rollercoaster ride of numbness

dizzying highs

the void of lows

held together by milligram doses of capsules ironically taking the same form as the addiction tearing her apart

white scars, glaring reminders of self-destruction defined her skin like the grain on wood

she was a doll

loved, played with, and forgotten time and time again

years of wear and tear left her in disrepair

now she picks and pulls at her seams

as I donate my own stiching

but love wasn’t meant to be our tailor

she appears in my dreams

her pale lips and cold eyes have left their footprints on my consciousness

I patiently await the winds that will finally blow away every trace of you

you go to watch the sunset

I watched the sun set as the light left your eyes

I fear my dreams is the only plane left for you to grace

crawl once again into my twin sized bed

one last time

tell me about the time you drove all night

the dark room with the green lights

that boy in that white field

or the fingers of winter’s cold on your skin

and now I’m here in this cold

bleak fields of white

at a stoplight permitting my passing

my car on a deserted street some Saturday night

and you are here too

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