Thoughts

After February 29th happened, we've gone through events that continued to loop in circles like a hamster on a wheel. Eventually, our relationship became a mirage...Or rather, a forgotten dream. My life became more stressful and I left.. over and over again. I know we tried to fight for what was ours but gave up. The painful reality of not being together finally set in.

Depression has taken over our lives and without each other's presence it worsened.

I, I try not to complain. But this summer has been very hard on me (not all because of you or your parents and such...It's depression what can you do?).

To be honest, I don't know why I drove almost 1,500 miles to see you. I thought maybe I could help you or maybe I thought you could help me. I don't know. Perhaps, it was to defy your parents. Or maybe because I love you.

Either way, I cannot believe I actually did it. It hasn't completely set in yet. The fact that we actually got to communicate and we both got to see how much we've changed.

Saying goodbye to you was probably the most painful thing I've done in a while. As I walked away from you, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. The drive back was excruciating. I cried so much. I cried probably the first 2 hours or so. I cried some more at Steak N Shakes in Indiana. I cried the last 3 hours of the drive. It just... it was just hurt in my heart that I couldn't get rid of. It haunted me again and I know it's here to stay.

I'm glad I visited you. I'm happy that I got to see you and help you. Knowing that I could help you in that moment in time makes me happy. I know I can't do it often nor will the feeling will last long but staying hopeful even in the darkest moments will help us stay together.

I promise, It'll be okay. 
If I do leave again, I'll always come back (like a boomerang or maybe a yo-yo (ma)).

P.S. Thank you for your gift. I appreciate it.

P.S.S. When you told me that Wednesday was the best day of your life surprised me and it didn’t fully process in my brain. But thank you for telling me I was helpful.

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