If I didn’t try, I could switch off that part of my brain that wants to, and find a comfortable job and get tired and get done.
I want to quit. Right now.
Jon Westenberg 🌈

Probably not. I mean, probably you couldn’t. Because if you could have, you probably would have by now. Or you would have stayed beholden to the comfortable job. You already made your choice, and you made it because you knew you *couldn’t* not try. Sucks to be you, pal, ask me how I know. It’s totally not because I’ve spent the past decade going through that same emotional wringer, or anything.

If you took that comfortable job, you’d invest too hard, and it would break your heart, and you’d have no power over it doing so. In your “spare” time, you wouldn’t sit and play and simply be entertained — you’d question why there wasn’t more, and you’d go looking, and you’d be forced to make the same decision all over again.

Last month marked ten years since my last regular paycheck. I don’t look around and think, fuck yeah, nailed it. I look at a decade of successful work and go “I’ve gotta get on the stick and do better with this next decade.” And you’re right, it’s damned fatiguing. But it’s obviously better than being comfortable, because I keep choosing it. And I think it’s because that “try” part of the brain doesn’t actually switch off.