Well, of course, because I’m a woman, and I’ve heard these same lines from men forever. And what’s fascinating is, so have generation upon generation of women before me.

One thing you may not realize is that women are penalized for saying no — AND for saying yes. In other words, there’s no totally safe answer, while one buys into that system. This means nobody is really “safe” buying into those rituals and cultural norms. You’re right to be angry about them, and yes, you’re right to take it personally. I relate to that personal anger.

The thing is, breaking down that system, breaking down those constructs, and changing those behaviours is absolutely an integral part of feminism. I’m pretty confident about this, because I was born to feminists, raised by them, and am one myself, for over four decades now.

What I’m detecting in your responses, over and over again, is a belief that there is a conspiracy, somehow feminine in nature (and thus feminist) which is intended to entrench the structures that harm everybody of all genders. It’s not clear to me how you’ve arrived at that belief.

That being said, I’m of the opinion that those cultural norms disproportionately benefit men who exhibit behaviors which are detrimental to gender equality. Thus, I believe it’s those same men who have the most interest in maintaining a broken status quo, by reinforcing rigid and absolutist notions that entrench skewed power balances they can exploit. It’s not you. It’s not me. It’s not anybody unhappy with the wide swath of bullshit that surrounds off this. It’s a small number of people who get off on the power games, or gain materially because of them, and they’re far happier to see you and I at each others throats than agreeing we want to dismantle harmful gender norms.