To My Mom That Left

I always questioned why you never came around. When I was younger, I was oblivious to it all. Things weren’t as bad and I’d see you on weekends and we’d spend holidays together. As I got older, the visits got shorter and less frequent. I was always that girl in school who never knew how to match her clothes or make her hair look nice. That was your job, to play around in your make up purse or do my hair to make me look like a princess. All I remember you as is the person who could never keep her promises. I was a little girl and you filled my head with so many lies and broken promises. You never came to those school holiday parties or to parent teacher nights. I remember dreading Mother’s Day every year because I didn’t know what I loved about you or what we would do special together, because the answer was always nothing. No phone calls, birthday gifts or cards, mother-daughter dates, or just binge watching sappy love movies while eating ice cream. Sometimes their was times I wouldn’t hear from you for months. When that boy broke my heart and I swear I’d never get over him, you were suppose to be there to listen and understand and tell me how much they suck and they aren’t worth my tears. Going throughout life without a mother is like going on with a missing piece in my heart. I hated whenever you would tell me we would go on vacations, shopping trips or spend time together because the time would come and I would never hear from you. How does a girl know how to become a woman without that woman figure in her life? From day one, I had to teach myself and learn from my own mistakes and go my own ways in life. Nothing sucked more than seeing how close everyone was with their mom and wanting it more than ever. Now, being a mother myself I learned to let the hatred, confusion, anger, and unanswered questions go and focusing on being everything to my daughter that you never were. Thank you “mom” for showing me I can grow into a woman and find my way through life and be a better mom and person than you ever were.

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