Japan Cured My “Depression”
“I was fresh from a breakup, I lost my job, my heart was hurting, my mind felt foggy, my body was tired and I felt broken. I secretly hoped that this trip would heal me.”
The words of Candice Kumai resonated with me as they reflect the story of how my first trip to Japan changed my perspectives of life.
Why Do You Love Japan?
A common question which I am often asked, but could not find the words to explain, as it can only be felt and experienced by the heart and soul.
It could be because I grew up watching Japanese shows like Doraemon, Detective Conan, Ultraman and Super Sentai (Power Rangers).
And re-watching those shows now in my adulthood brings back happy memories of my carefree childhood days, when life was much simpler.
But mostly, because of it’s rich traditional culture and life philosophy which resonates with me when I was at the lowest point of my life.
The more I learn about them, the more I learn about myself and life itself.
Japan Was Calling Me
2018.
Where it all began.
I was at the lowest point of my life. I lost the woman whom I would very much like to call, “my wife” and I got laid off from a job that I love, while everyone else my age was already settling down with their loved ones and in their career, climbing up the ladder of success while I was alone, lost and confused.
I tried to let go and move on, to find a new job and possibly, a new life partner as well. The sudden realisation that I was no longer in my 20s but in my 30s suddenly caused me to panic into chasing the “deadline” where it is a norm for everyone to settle down at that age in Asia.
But things did not went smoothly as I faced rejections in both my job hunting and online dating. I learnt the mistakes I made from every failure to improve myself and yet I failed, again, and again. It made me question my self worth and asked myself, what does it take to be accepted or loved like everyone else?
I had anxiety attacks and insomnia from negative thoughts filling up my head. Being a male in Asian society, I chose to keep it all to myself as I was afraid of being perceived as “weak”, instead of pouring my heart out of what’s bothering me. And also because I wanted to pretend everything is okay.
One day, while I was taking a break from life and watching my comfort movie, “The Last Samurai”, it occurred to me that maybe I should finally go to Japan. Something which I have dreamt of since young but never got around to doing it. But, what will people say? I was unemployed, yet I have time for holidays?
In my country, it is common to hear things like, “work first, enjoy later.” For some reason, there is a perception that you only deserve a holiday after working hard. But I told myself, I have been working hard all my life and I cannot even remember when was the last time I took a holiday.
There I went, browsing through the travel pages, looking at plane tickets, hotel bookings, travel itinerary, calculating the money I need and the number of days I will likely spend my time over and decided that a week trip should suffice. Few months later, I embarked on a journey that changes me.
Lessons Learnt in Japan
Spring 2019
I remember the morning sun rise over the vast ocean as I looked out from the window of my airplane as it heads towards Kansai Airport. It was the most beautiful and serene thing I have ever seen. There is some comfort in the emptiness of the sea, there is not past, no future. Only the present.
I was fresh from a breakup, I lost my job, my heart was hurting, my mind felt foggy, my body was tired and I felt broken. As the plane touched down, part of me was working on believing that I was finally in Japan, while the other part of me was secretly hoping that this short trip will heal me somehow.
The air felt very refreshing and cooling when I stepped out of the airport, which is the opposite of the usual hot and humid weather of my country. I booked a hotel in Shiga Prefecture, outside of Kyoto, where it was not only more affordable but less crowded and touristy as well.
My first day was the most memorable one as I spend the afternoon wandering the streets without a plan. It’s nice to just walk around without a purpose, feeling the atmosphere, observing the locals going about their daily lives, wondering what it’s like living there and what goes in their minds.
I realised hardly anyone was on their phones. They are either walking and chatting with someone, or cycling on their own. They seemed to be completely in the moment and much happier, not caring much about what goes on in the internet or what everyone else is doing online.
Lesson #1 : Being a social media addict, I resolved to change my habits and uninstall all social media apps from my phone to minimise time spend wasting on them, so the only time I can access them is from my lap top. Ever since then, I felt more at peace as I no longer keep up with what others are doing with their lives.
The next day, I made an ambitious plan to visit every place on my itinerary and hoped to return to my hotel by sundown. As time passes by, I realized this was no longer possible. I could either rush through the “checkpoints” or choose which places to explore in detail and abandon the others.
At the beginning I was frustrated, that it did not go as planned. But by the end of the day, I was glad that I really took my time in visiting those places at a leisurely pace, discovering things I never knew existed and buying things I did not think of buying and learning more about its history and culture.
Lesson #2 : Do not do things for the sake of it. I realized where I went wrong in my job hunting and online dating. I was rushing to find a “replacement” to fill in the void of my life instead of searching for something or someone that I am genuinely interested in, a career I am proud of and a woman I really love.
Ever since then, I learn to discover, accept and love myself first. If I can’t accept or love myself, how can I expect others to do the same for me? I took my time in exploring my career and what I really want to do with my life. Now, I have found it and am making a career switch (although it terrifies me).
Lesson #3 : You can’t have everything you want in life. You have to let go of things that you can’t have and hold on to things that you already have before you lose them too because nothing last in life, so treasure them while it last. Enjoy the moment because it will never happen again the same way.
A mutual Japanese friend found out that I was in Japan and asked for a quick meet up. She was curious to know why many people are so attracted to her country. The only thing I could tell her at that time, was that it is a beautiful country with more nature than my own, and have five seasons unlike my own.
There are many places to escape to when you’re stressed out with life. If you work and live in Tokyo, you can always head down to the seaside town of Kamakura, which is just an hour train ride away for a quick getaway on weekends or even travel to other prefectures.
There are five seasons, spring, summer, rain, autumn and winter. And every place looks amazing and different every season, where else my home only has a hot or rainy season. She loves hot weather while I love cooling weather. She loves life in the big city while I love life in the small town.
Lesson #4 : Grass is always greener on the other side. We only look at the good things in someone else lives and the bad things in our own lives. We want the good things that others have in their lives but we do not want the bad things that comes along with them.
For example, we want a high paying job that our friend has but we do not want the stress that comes along with the job and the hours sacrificed. Until you realise that we all fight battles no one else knows about to get what they have, you will always envy them, thinking that they have them easy.
It was a sunny day when I got lost trying to find my way to the largest freshwater lake in Japan, Lake Biwa. It was about an hour walk from the nearest train station and I almost gave up halfway as the weather gets hotter by the minute. I decided to take a break at a shelter before turning back.
Few minutes later, the weather suddenly changed as it starts to get cloudy and windy. I made a judgement call to continue as the weather gets cooler now. It was the best decision ever, when I was greeted with a spectacular view of the Lake with the glorious mountain range. To think that I almost gave up on this.
Lesson #5 : Don’t quit when you are tired, but rest to re-energize yourself. You will never know what lies ahead if you do not try or give up too early. Remember why you started down this road. Do not regret, as at that point in your life, that was exactly what you wanted back then.
It was pouring rain the whole day when I was exploring Kyoto. I was a bit upset as I was hoping to see the glory of Kyoto on a beautiful clear day. But surprisingly, I actually enjoyed walking in the rain when it is less crowded. Everything feels a lot quieter and more spiritual somehow.
I started the day cursing at the heavy rain but ended the day showing gratitude to it for the lovely day as I never knew Kyoto can look so different and alluring on a rainy day. I loved it so much that I hoped it continued raining the next day but it didn’t. Haha.
Lesson #6 : Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. As hard as it is for me to admit, but things happen for a reason. You might not know it when it is happening but only realise it after it happens. There is no such thing as the right time as life is never perfect to begin with.
After a week of exploring Kyoto, Osaka, Nara, Himeji, Shiga, it is finally time to say goodbye and thank you for the lovely memories and spiritual enlightenment. I learnt a few things about myself and life that will aid me in healing myself and moving forward.
It was here in Japan, that I felt myself at peace for the first time in my life. There’s something spiritual about the place. The fresh air, the calm ambiance of the temples, the scenic places. As I said, it’s something that cannot be explained but can be experienced by the heart and soul.
Homecoming
When I returned home, I missed the place and it’s serenity so much that I started reading up more about Japan and its life philosophies like Wabi Sabi, Kintsugi, Ichigo Ichie, Kaizen, Senbazuru, Omoiyari and much more.
I did a makeover of my room, discarding all unwanted items, adding a flower on my table and hiding necessity items into the cupboard and putting those that make me happy and relaxed, out where I could see them every time.
I grew more and more connected to my spiritual side. I started waking up early everyday. On my work days, I woke up early to enjoy some moment of silence with my coffee before heading out to work without feeling rushed.
On my off days, I took a stroll along the park trail leading to the coast to watch the sunrise and savour the tiny peaceful moments that I would have missed throughout my whole life, rushing here and there all the time.
I found there are so many things I draw upon now to help me find clarity, regroup, and persevere through challenges, overcoming my inner demons and they are all firmly rooted in Japan and its rich culture.
They helped me through my hardships, barriers and trials of everyday life. The essence of these philosophies renewed my love and appreciation for them, relying on them everyday without realizing.
I learn to find beauty within the messy chaos and cherish my scars. It’s about accepting that nothing lasts, both the good and bad. And rather than chasing the unattainable goal of perfection, it’s about finding fulfillment and serenity.
It’s about being able to take whatever life throws at you with grace and calmness, being able to say, “Life is not perfect but that is okay.” Rather than denying and getting angry about it that life did not go the way you want it to.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Life happens and there is no point stressing out over things that you cannot control and focus on the things that you can. You either change it or accept it. Most importantly, you have to let go of your idea of a “perfect” life.
I realized that I cannot put my self-worth on things, like I did it before. I used to think that material wealth is an expression of self hood and proof of my existence. I associate my identity and self-image with the things I possess.
The more I had, the more secured, accomplished and fulfilled I felt. Everything became objectified, friends, lovers, diplomas, awards, money, job titles, etc that the moment I lost them all, I felt empty and worthless.
“Many things are superfluous but we only realize this when they are gone. It’s only when you are strip away of everything but yourself that you start asking who you really are beneath it all and what kind of person you want to be.”
Afterword
For a long time, I went through life with parts of my heart broken. I wasn’t aware of it then, but I wasn’t taking proper care of myself. I constantly felt as if I needed to keep going. I was very hard on myself.
Inside, I carried a lot of lingering anger, sometimes sadness, and almost always, a feeling of needing to belong. I never, ever felt quite “good enough” and was always seeking validation from others.
I noticed Japanese people take pride in their work regardless of their occupation, be it a train driver, ramen seller, toilet cleaner, restaurant waiter, immigration officer, or any other, and dedicate themselves to it.
Lesson #7 : You don’t have to have a dream job, a high paying job or a glamorous job to be happy or be proud of yourself. You don’t have to be embarrassed of your job when comparing yourself with others. Take pride in yourself because no one can respect you if you do not respect yourself.
So ever since I returned from Japan, I felt healed. I felt better. Now that the pandemic happened, I was really glad to have made the trip. Even though my planned second trip was cancelled, I was happy to have been there once.
I hope I did not bore you with my life story and thank you so much for reading it up to this point. If you have never been to Japan, I hope you will one day visit it yourself and discover how beautiful it really is.
