No time to read, but time to write all that? You must have been good at Awana.
Then why didn’t anyone tell that story until 325? You must not have read that far. Good thing I already wrote it and it’s right here handy. If still oppressed by an inordinate lack of time, just jump to the bold about Josephus. I think you’ll really like that part.
Who wrote about jesus near the first century
Three romans. Convenient since Rome will go on to establish the catholic church; romans’ gruesome, purported execution of christ notwithstanding. Which is weird and logically inconsistent. Because jesus if he ever existed would almost certainly have been a jew. 1) The first reference christians conjure is in 109, when roman senator Tacitus records emperor Nero scapegoated them after lighting Rome on fire in the year 64:
“Nero fastened the guilt and inflicted most exquisite tortures on a class hated for their abominations, called christians by the populace. Christus, from whom the name derived, suffered the extreme penalty during the reign of Tiberius at the hands of one of our procurators, Pontius Pilatus, and a most mischievous superstition, thus checked for the moment, again broke out not only in Judea, the first source of the evil, but even in Rome, where all things hideous and shameful from every part of the world find their center and become popular. Accordingly, an arrest was first made of all who pleaded guilty; then, upon their information, an immense multitude was convicted, not so much of the crime of firing the city, as of hatred against mankind.”
Not exactly a rousing endorsement, but a record nonetheless! That doesn’t specifically mention a jew sorcerer named jesus. Was written almost 100 years after he allegedly lived. And bears evidence of having been tampered with because some ancient monk smudged or erased the earliest known ink and now latin scholars can’t decide if it says christianos for “followers of the jewish word for messiah,” or simply chrestianos for some weird cult called “good people.”
2) Roughly three years later in 112, roman historian Suetonius wrote “jews constantly made disturbances at the instigation of Chrestus.” But regrettably placed his execution one emperor too late under Claudius, a change of timeline that at least indicates some uncertain amount of revisionism in the retelling. 3) That same year, Black Sea governor Pliny the younger sent a letter to emperor Trajan about executing christians for their “depraved, excessive superstition.”
Know your sources christians. They suck and are of dubious historicity.
Who wrote about jesus centuries later
150 years after the ostensible crucifixion, the world’s first sci-fi author Lucian mentions christians in one of his tales, but again not jesus. And a pattern begins to emerge of references to the people, but rarely the man. To which it must be said that absence of evidence is evidence of absence. Kids’ incentive to believe in santa or the tooth fairy doesn’t make either real.
Then for 200 years from mid-second century until the fourth, there’s nothing. Finally around 34o, Constantine’s bishop Eusebius misattributes a passage he just made up to first century jewish historian Josephus. Eusebius — one of the men who picked the books of the bible at the council of Nicaea — openly boasts he is a self-described liar for god.
We now know this was likely true and not just braggadocio because third century church father Origen — 100 years before Eusebius — spent his whole career countering pagan know-it-alls who mocked the one true christ, but never mentioned Josephus. Nor did any other first to fourth century churchfather literates reference him either: not Justin, Irenaeus, Clement, Tertullian, Cyprian, or Arnobius. None refer to Josephus; they rely solely on faith.
Just like jesus, Josephus is absent from his own fucking story.
Who didn’t write about jesus
Perhaps more interesting than who did write about jesus is who didn’t: Philo, Gallio, Seneca, Pliny the younger’s dad Pliny the elder, Celsius, Juvenal, Dio, and many lesserknowns. Plus the jews. Who don’t mention him until the sixth and 10th centuries.
But even then when they do, they are hostile, unflattering, or don’t actually refer to anyone named jesus raising hell in Judea during the reign of emperor Tiberius. But rather to multifarious groups of ungovernable levantine mystics calling themselves christians and chasing around one or other of many messiahs over a period of several hundred years when jews started exploring the dualistic manicheism of their persian neighbors.
One of the two jewish talmuds seemingly provides the fascist churchstate’s best evidence: three of nine editions of the babylonian version boast some iteration of jesus the nazarene who had five disciples, was hanged, and then resurrected. But the other six don’t! And all were written centuries long after the gospels had already sunk their fucking teeth into unsuspecting mankind and planted the seed of the greatest story ever made up.
Nor does the first talmud from Jerusalem at the supposed time of christ bear any reference to him at all. Later jews in medieval Europe wrote these things to please christian masters. Because they were a vulnerable demographic victimized by machinations of tyrants who ruled and engaged in ethnic cleansing against them. They were likely eager to please their christkilling roman overlords. No better way than by stroking their cock!
And no one’s ever heard of the Toledot Yeshu jesus satire from hundreds of year later. That’s how important it is. It also led to violent antisemitism.
Thanks for half-reading/writing. Peace.