Values Viewers

The caricature of a thrice-married degenerate for family values redeemer is a mean-spirited joke at the expense of the conservative heartland. This mock messiah — long disdained throughout flyover country for sins as one of the coastal elite — may have metamorphosed into a beautiful butterfly of all sorts of bad isms, but he’s not committed to them; not like the starry-eyed true believers who revere him.

The creature in the Oval remains the same: a misogynist alpha male one percenter. What changed is his newfound constituents’ interpretation of their own values. Generations of Falwell and Robertson viewers — nodding gravely at the boob tube; muttering darkly that it’s been a long time coming — have forsaken televangelism for reality tv. How else to explain vast crowds of the born again evincing support for someone who within their lifetimes endorsed late term partial birthing of the unborn? God these idiots love a redemption story: baby-killing 20 years ago; wholesale slaying pro-life at the polls now.

This is not really a presidency and impeachment is the goal to get his next must-see reality tv smash hit Prez off the ground in time to pay off interest on loans laundered through ostbloc oligarch real estate and casino deals that floated his several bankruptcies. He said it himself in 2008: “Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of our assets. We see a lot of…