The First Kiss & Real Girlfriend: How I learned to love kissing

Everyone’s first kiss is supposed to be special, momentous, and supposedly romantic. Well, my first kiss was technically memorable, but it was definitely not romantic or (that) special at all. My first kiss took place in my high school’s stairwell during my sophomore year of high school with my first real girlfriend. Yes, I know most people have their first kisses well before that age, but I held off on it for several pretexts.

The first reason was because kissing is just gross. In movies, you see people kissing in all kinds of scenarios, like, people each other when waking up in the morning, and kissing after eating all kinds of food. I personally immensely had a fear of tasting bad breath, mainly because I’m afraid that the taste is going to make me gag and upset the person I’m kissing. I didn’t want to taste someone’s stinky morning breath, or their unpalatable garlic or onion breath. That’s not romantic at all, that’s revolting. The mouth is the dirtiest part of the human body, and I wanted to keep myself away from it as much as possible. I always wondered who thought of the idea of kissing, especially on the lips. Who that that such a putrid, distasteful thing was a symbol of courtship?

The second reason I held off on it was because I was afraid I was going to be a terrible kisser and disappoint the person I was kissing. In every single movie, it seems like whenever the chick breaks up with the guy, she occasionally says something along the lines of “well he was a terrible kisser anyways.” I definitely did not want to be that guy, either. I wanted to kiss my first kiss person so great that they would almost orgasm (just kidding). But I wanted to make sure they would feel confident in my kissing skills.

The summer before I started high school, I began to practice kissing by watching YouTube tutorials on “how to kiss,” while literally practicing on my pillow. I figured “who goes into high school without a first kiss? Everyone will think I’m a loser or gay. My girlfriend will probably think I’m gay, and not having a first kiss by age 14 is as bad as being a 40 year old virgin.”

I went into freshman year of high school, and I rarely ever saw my “girlfriend” or talked to her in school at all. We were just “a couple.” I was attending the high school I was attending at the time because I was in their STEM magnet program, and two or three weeks after starting it, I decided I didn’t want to do STEM anymore, and changed schools to the school I was zoned for without even notifying my “girlfriend” about it. Consequently, I never heard from her again. Well, freshman year was ending, and I was getting ready to move to another high school in the county beginning sophomore year. I never officially broke up with my girlfriend from my first high school that I went to for roughly a month, and I never heard from her ever again. Does this mean that we’re still technically a couple 6 years later? And that I cheated on her the following school year with my other girlfriend? Jokes aside, I moved on, and begun school at my new high school sophomore year.

When I started at my new high school, I almost immediately found a crowd of people that I made friends with. Actually, I was friends with many crowds of people. Making friends was never hard for me at that school. Eventually, I found a very cute girl, who we’ll call “K” here. I first met K two weeks after starting at my new high school in the lunchroom. I noticed her freshly pierced snakebites lip piercings. I also noticed her vibrant, red, flowing long hair, and her big, beautiful green eyes that resembled an emerald stone in the moonlight. I was being annoyed at the time by this girl whom was referred to as “dolphin girl” by the people at our school due to her very high pitched voice that you could hear from one end of a long hallway on the other end of it. She kept messing with my book bag, yanking on my shirt, and was being a major cockblock when I was trying to introduce myself to K. I complimented K’s lip rings, and had a brief conversation with her about piercings. I began to slowly develop a crush on her as I saw her walking in the hallways like a queen. She always looked beautiful, even with her flaws, even regardless of some of the negative things people had to say about her sometimes. I didn’t care at all. I decided she was the girl I wanted to have my first kiss with.

At first, I thought she was out of my league. I tried to rid of my feelings for her, but it was hard. Every single time I would hang out with her or talk to her, I fell deeper and deeper in love with her. Eventually, a week before 11/11/11, one of her friends approached me in the school’s courtyard while I was playing hacky sack, and said that K was interested in dating me. I was very excited to hear that, but of course, I said I was going to think about it even though I was obviously going to say yes. I just didn’t want to seem too excited about it. I also wanted to wait till 11/11/11 to ask her out. The following day, K approached me in the hallway during a class change and told me that her friend was only kidding and trying to be an asshole, and that she was sorry for that. She said she didn’t really mean to ask me out. I laughed with her about it, but felt really, really crushed on the inside. I wanted to go home and do nothing all day after that, but I still had 5 hours of school ahead of me, and it was painful. During lunch, I approached her friend that “lied” to me about K wanting to date me. K was there. “You liar!” I jokingly said to her. “You lied about K wanting to date me!”…. “No I didn’t,” she exclaimed. “She’s just too afraid to admit her feelings,” her friend said. At this point, K looked embarrassed and hid her red, blushing face with a weak looking smile and laugh. I asked her how she really felt about me, and she admitted she was interested in going out with me, but that she was a bit afraid of asking. I told her that I was interested in dating her, too, and we officially became a couple.

It didn’t take long for my first kiss with K to occur, but it also did at the same time. It took about half of a month for me to kiss her. I was still slightly afraid of kissing, but I was ready to do it. One day at school in a staircase during lunch, my friend Molly peer pressured me into kissing her right then and there. “Just do it! c’mon already!” She exclaimed. I went for it, I kissed her. It was a quick peck. I didn’t even taste anything like I feared, and it literally felt like squishy skin smacking against each other. It wasn’t really anything at all, but I was left thinking about it for the rest of the day, and left wondering how she felt about it. Eventually, we started kissing more, and I actually started liking it. I started seeing how kissing is a cute way of showing affection. It is a way of showing someone that they’re important to you. Or it can just be a way of being sexy as fuck. Willingly exchanging spit with someone and feeling their soft lips touch yours makes you feel a certain comfort that nothing else can give you. Especially when it also involves hugging. I finally realized why people thought of kissing as romantic, and I wanted to do it more.

Unfortunately, K and I broke up a few months later. We are still good friends to this day and love each other as friends, but we have moved on. Both of us are out of high school now, trying to be growing adults and setting up our lives. However, I have never kissed anyone since March, 2012, when I last kissed her. I have never had that amazing feeling since then. I really, really miss the feeling of kissing someone. I have tried numerous times and with numerous people to start things, but they never went anywhere. Partially because they were online, the person was just awkward, or they only wished for sex. I’ve had a few hook ups recently in college, but they mean nothing. They don’t mean as much as the feeling of kissing someone does, even though they felt great. I just want to take someone, and kiss life into them. I want to feel that sensation of squishy skin smacking together; the sensation and trust of exchanging spit with someone and love. I can’t wait to kiss someone again one day. What I once thought was revolting, is now something I seek after a lot.

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