Dirty 30
In my mind I’m still a babygirl enjoying my life and place little focus on my age. I may clock watch on a night out and I definitely can’t handle more than one drink but trust and believe there is no part of me that feels ‘old’. My age may not hold much importance to me, although my nearest and dearest never fail to remind me ‘you’ll be 30 next year…’ you can not only hear the disbelief in their voice but there’s also an element of sadness when they too realise 30 is around the corner for them too.
It seems as though everyone has an opinion about turning 30 - for the 18 year olds who are fresh in university they associate the big 3–0 as a bench mark of having all your life plans in order- being settled, wealthy and somewhat out of touch with the youngin’s. Where as those hitting retirement age look at turning 30 as just the ‘beginning’ and having your ‘whole life ahead of you’. I can’t tell you how many times my older work colleagues have referred to me as a ‘baby’. This can be somewhat confusing when there is an unspoken pressure of finishing life’s marathon by 30.
On paper I’m not where I thought I’d be as I near the ‘forbidden age’ (excuse my dramatics). I don’t own a house, I’m not married, I’m a single parent, I’m not in the career of my dreams and I have strangers pushed up against me on the jubilee line every morning. To the world’s standard I haven’t ticked off all the things I should have as I approach 30. In spite of all the things that aren’t perfect in my life this is the most content and happy I’ve been in a long time. I can confidently say I’m starting to feel much more comfortable in my skin and I am so proud of the woman I am and all that I’ve achieved thus far. For years I had lost that joy from within and I can only thank God it has returned. Now I’m well aware of all the work I have to do in order to meet all my goals but I’d say I’m doing this everyday and I’m not going to let ‘the big 3–0’ add pressure on my own journey.
I’m convinced we (women especially) put so much pressure around age, milestones and big life events because we’re so busy comparing our lives to people we don’t even know. Whether it’s the girl who recently had her baby, or the couple on your news feed that recently got married or the young entrepreneur who made their first million. These are all amazing milestones but if that’s not your reality at this moment that’s ok. I think we see images and wish we were in that position –ignoring the work, sacrifice and dedication it takes to be in those positions. Who even put these bench marks around our age? Who said you be married or a millionaire by 30? Yes, that may have happened for some people but some of us may meet the love of our lives in our 40's and others may start making millions in their 60’s.
I’m a firm believer on doing ‘the work’. I haven’t done the work for me to be a multi millionaire, I haven’t done the work to buy a house and I definitely haven’t finished the work within me to be someone’s wife. These are all things that are a work in progress, many of us are works in progress and I wish we’d all lift that pressure, stop the timers and clock watching.
I made a vow to myself on my 28th birthday that I was going to really enjoy the last years of my 20s. I wanted to use my time to not only be grateful for life but to focus on my own journey, focus on being a better me all round. Above anything I no longer see this life as a race as I know with hard work and patience what is for me shall never pass me. Each birthday is a blessing no matter what I have or haven;t achieved yet…
