a different meeting

abeni doula
Jul 27, 2017 · 2 min read

He was the second man that I met at the job. The first one, I had met prior to starting the job. The first man was a fine Black man; he was there when the boss had stood me up for an interview. He was short, but sexy chocolate. That wasn’t going to work for me.

On my first day at the job, I was getting oriented by the boss and I walked past Him in the office. I remember it felt like slow motion. I looked Him dead in the eyes and I only know this because He looked at me the same. He didn’t smile. I probably didn’t either. His skin was pale; his hair dark and curly. He was white, but I recognized the “color” in Him. I wondered what He really was.

I was curious about Him and whether He would be on “my team” in the future. Yes, I was attracted to Him immediately, but in a way I couldn’t really explain. I’m not generally interested in white men. I have a type that I like in my white men — that they have dark hair, and that they don’t act like a whigger. Whigger. Is that how you spell that? That was a word we used to use in middle school for the white boys who thought they were down with Blackness.

The boss told told me His name in passing, Coach Bo, and informed me that He was also new. We passed Him again. He didn’t smile again. His posturing didn’t feel friendly in the least bit. I don’t remember if we were formally introduced. Probably. Did we shake hands? I don’t know if we spoke to one another. I just know that the second passing also felt like slow motion. I was slightly uncomfortable. He was unlike other men that I met. Men see what they like [in me] and make themselves known, like a dog pisses on a tree. He…was different. This was our cosmic meeting, I believe.

When I think back on it now, it was like He knew me already. Like He was waiting for me to know Him…to recognize Him. Who knows?

_______________________

The following stories are linked in the one above. It helps me to know where I’ve been and where I’m going.

abeni doula

Written by

I am hurting like hell over the sudden, tragic loss of a Man who had given me so much Life in recent months.

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