damn tears

I don’t know if grief makes you more emotional in life, or if it is that love opens up your heart to different emotions. Maybe it is the same thing.

I’ve cried more in these 9 months than I have cried in my entire life. And I’ve been through some shit in my lifetime. I’ve just never been a crier.

I found myself shedding tears while watching the movie Moana today. It began when Moana’s grandmother appeared as a stingray and then appeared in posthumous form on her boat while she was alone at sea. I wondered if I could ever be so lucky to see Love in a similar form.

After the movie ended, I couldn’t stop the tears for at least a minute. My thoughts told me that I couldn’t believe that He was gone…and that death was so unfair. We were supposed to be old when we died. Maybe it was the fact that His swim trunks have been lying on my bed since I started cleaning my room this morning.

This reminded me that several months ago, I went to see Beauty and the Beast. I slid into the theater with a family member right after the conclusion of some other movie that I cannot recall. Anyhow, the story of Beauty and the Beast brought tears to my eyes, particularly at the part when the Beast asks Beauty if she is happy and she responds something like,

Can you really be happy if you are not free?

That exchange left a lasting impression on me. It made me think of Love, and sexuality, and how I’ve spent so long feeling like I have been imprisoned…and how Love set me free.

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