getting closer

After my vaginal trials of the Spring of 2015 concluded, my sex drive tanked. It wasn’t because of the trials, but because of the extreme repeated trauma from my job, which threw me deeper into depression.

Summer of 2015: I can’t remember how many times Love may have called to check in on me (a continuation from the February date)— nor do I remember how many times I probably turned Him down. But one day, He called me to say He wanted to stop by to see me because He would be in the area (this is also a great strategy for getting me to agree or commit to something).

I hesitated because I had only had Him at my house a handful of times (we usually met at hotels here and there because I would only “see” Him at my house if no one was home). I acquiesced, knowing full well there would be no sex because, as I’ve said before, Bo’s timing was horrible.

He came to my house all cheery. His hair was cut lower than I had ever seen it. The curls that I had known Him by were gone. We sat in the den (on purpose for me because it was open and a main area, as if I needed extra security for a decision that I had already made, or rather, it had already been made for me. Timing.). We talked about the past (why He was leaving His old job and also about His fling there), present (how the interview came to be and how I was feeling these days), and future (my new job and us) and had a great time, as always.

He told me He was in town for a coaching interview. The job would be up the street from where I lived and also down the street from where I would be working. I looked at Him wantonly. It was like a miracle that was something that I never knew I wanted but was handed straight to us. I was imagining all of the possibilities this closeness could bring. He must have been imagining going upstairs to my room because I made mention of someone being home and instead led him into my office, as if I were giving Him a tour. I guess the thrill of the future aroused Us both. The office had doors.

We stood in the office and talked more. He looked around as if waiting for someone to come downstairs. Eventually, He had to go in order to be on time for the interview. He gave me a hug, and then kissed me so passionately I became dizzy. It was such an erotic kissing session. Felt like it lasted forever. He felt me up and squeezed my butt. I wanted to take Him down so badly and He was probably hoping for it. If only it were another day. But I didn’t tell Him that or offer any explanation.

He left, turning around to catch glimpses of me several times. He always did this. I realized how His haircut revealed His facial features whereas maybe before, His curls, though lovely, were a distraction. He was gorgeous in a way that I had never considered. I texted Him about it to make sure that He knew. I remember Him previously telling me that He didn’t feel attractive. Marriage did that to Him.

I had to go to the bathroom after He drove away. I was as wet as a dish sponge.

He got the job. And this marked the beginning of yet another beginning for us.

Oh, I miss Him.

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