I remember the first time Love called me I stared at the phone because I didn’t know who it was. This is a common practice of mine. Sometimes I do it even when I know who it is. Pathetic.
Anyway, I had given Him my number through e-mail — my “business number” — and wasn’t sure if He would actually call me.
His area code threw me for a loop. 541? Albany, Oregon? I didn’t know anyone in Oregon or from Oregon. Wait. Yes, I did. He had told me, of course.
He left a message stating His name, and asking me to return His call. And that’s how we got started several years ago…got re-started.
My business number is a number I give to businesses, obviously, but also to men and other people that I may not trust or actually desire to speak to. It’s not that I didn’t trust Him. I didn’t know Him that well. I didn’t really know Him at all — just a little something-something at work. I actually gave Him that number because I was giving through it through my work e-mail from a job from which I had been fired.
I gave Him a nickname in my contact list, as I do with everyone. (When I die one day, someone is going to have a hell of a time trying to contact folks because 99% of my contacts are “code names.”) Usually, people’s code names are related to something about them; but I had a really hard time coming up with one for Him for some reason. First it was “Bob.” Not creative at all. And also Bob was my landlord so sometimes, I would get confused. Last summer, I changed it to “Fixit”…because that became His role in my life.
Fixit still comes up at the forefront of my phone list when I make a call. It used to be number one for a long time. Now it is number four. I guess it represents how many times I was once in contact with Him. Even my phone can’t get over Him. More recently, I wondered if I should just delete His number. I don’t know if I can.
Also, I have wanted so badly to call His number, just to see what would happen. Will I get His voicemail…8 months later? Doubtful. Does it belong to someone else? Does someone in His family now use it?
At least I do have His voice captured though. I actually have that very first voicemail that He left me…
The following stories are linked in the one above. It helps me to know where I’ve been and where I’m going.
In the days following Bo’s death, I realized that I was no longer afraid of death. I’m not sure if I was “afraid” of it…medium.com