st pete

I went to St. Pete a few weeks ago. I said I’d never go there again after Bo died. St. Pete represents too much trauma for me.

I had actually been in Pinellas County (the county St. Petersburg is in) a few times last November. I had told myself that I would never go anywhere in Pinellas County. But this was when I was trying to get my phone hacked to retrieve Our lost love messages and the only guy I could find was in Pinellas County, though not St. Pete. I did pass through St. Pete while riding on the highway back to my house. I almost held my breath as I traveled through, trying to scan for any familiar marks.

An educational opportunity awaits me in St. Pete. I had known about it for some time. I had long since tossed the idea aside. Then I picked it back up. An information session was coming up and I reminded myself that there was nothing for me in St. Pete. I tossed it aside. And then at the last minute, I made a decision to go. I knew I wouldn’t be there long and I was pretty sure the area I was going to wasn’t near anything I would recognize: the place where He got into the car accident, or the place where His memorial was held.

The last time I had to cross the Skyway bridge from my direction was for His memorial. I have never returned to St. Pete, even to see old lover. I gripped the steering wheel tightly and took many deep breaths. I followed my GPS. I looked around making sure I didn’t recognize anything that reminded me of Bo, or my old student that died. I felt okay.

I went to the info session and wasn’t in St. Pete for any longer than an hour. I thought of calling old lover. I didn’t do it though. Actually, I needed to get home to attend the live session of my grad class online. Also, I think I didn’t want to be over there in the dark. The dark plays tricks on my mind in the silence of a solo car ride. And me and the Skyway Bridge have an interesting history — something Bo helped me through one day about a year ago. I looked at everything slowly and carefully as I drove away. I called my mother and told her I did it.

I still don’t want to go there again.

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The following stories are linked in the one above. It helps me to know where I’ve been and where I’m going.