“A new state-produced musical set in Xinjiang inspired by the Hollywood blockbuster ‘La La Land’ has hit China’s cinemas, portraying a rural idyll of ethnic cohesion devoid of repression, mass surveillance, and even the Islam of its majority Uyghur population.” — 04/03/2021, The Guardian
La La Camp hit theatres in China this weekend. You must watch it! No, I mean it. You must. We wouldn’t want you to end up in a re-education camp too, now would we?
I was initially skeptical of this movie. By the time its end credits rolled, though, I had fallen in love with it…
“Mr Musk’s tweets in recent months have helped to turn the once-obscure digital currency, which was started as a social media joke, into the world’s fourth-biggest cryptocurrency.” — BBC, 05/10/2021
Dear stakeholders at Tesla and SpaceX,
You may have seen my appearance on the latest episode of Saturday Night Live. It was a childhood dream to host the show — it’s the greatest in the history of American television, after all. Only the oil-hoarding critics will claim that my judgement is flawed on this matter. Unless you’ve ever seen The Sopranos, John Oliver, or my Twitter feed.
I’m sure you…
“Earlier this week, Bill Gates and Melinda French Gates announced their divorce. On that same day, Melinda Gates became a billionaire.” — USA Today, 05/07/2021
Yacht named SS No1036 I Ran Out of Names For My Yachts After No437
Personal phone number of the Priest
Home address of planet Mark Zuckerberg belongs to
2.94 million shares of AutoNation
That Rat-Eating Pitcher Plant (Nepenthes attenboroughii) she cared for while Gates was away curing malaria
Equipment required for the transfer of aforementioned Nepenthes attenboroughii to her new mansion
Gardener who actually tended to the Nepenthes attenboroughii while she wrote poetry about it
I didn’t mean to graze my cheek and start bleeding, but this is where the downhill journey starts. I’ve always known it. First, I would spend more than twenty hours without blogging about the fragile nature of postmodern capitalism. Then, I would disfigure myself while performing a task as innocuous as shaving. And soon, I will become the knockoff Hemingway no one talks to.
Now, my partner says I tend to go overboard when I haven’t been writing. And I do have an affinity for the hyperbolic. (Let this be a note that I still very much believe the COVID…
Before we begin, Mr Mighty, I’d like to let you know that I’m a huge fan of yours. Growing up, I had posters of you everywhere in the house. My father even bought your bestselling book and kept it on display in the living room…
I know, son.
Because you’re omniscient?
Let my methods remain a mystery, and my morality incriminatingly ambiguous. But yes, I do possess all the knowledge there is to know across the ten realms. I don’t pay attention to most of it, though.
I’m glad to hear that, Mr Mighty. …
“Mr. Kang said the staff at the mall noticed on March 28 that the painting had been vandalized, and identified the couple by checking security footage. The couple were arrested but released after the police determined that the vandalism was accidental, the local news media reported. Mr. Kang said the couple told the police that they had thought the artwork was open to public participation.” — New York Times
What? No, I didn’t think that painting would be worth $400,000. Is it? Oh Lord. We don’t even have that kind of money. Are we being asked to pay for it?
“A sergeant who supervised Derek Chauvin testified on Thursday that Mr. Chauvin and other police officers should have stopped holding George Floyd down once he became unresponsive.” — April 1, New York Times
1. “When Mr. Floyd was no longer offering up any resistance to the officers, they could have ended their restraint.” — Sgt. David Pleoger, who may end up getting the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his brave testimony.
2. “Common Sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.” — Mr. Duh. He’s my Asian gardener with a philosophy major. …
Hey, Ri, are you making TikToks again? No, I don’t want to do the ‘Floss’ or the ‘Worker Exploitation’ with you. Just come here and have a seat. It’s time we had the Talk: heart to heart, man to daughter, unwitting victim to societal construct.
You’re still growing, and I’m sure you’ll become a smart, funny and happy woman one day. But please don’t destroy humanity. That’s not as funny a prank as you make it out to be right now. I’ve never been a fan of gallows humor — especially when you’re the one setting up the punchline too.
Hello, dear reader on the Internet. I’m glad to see you’ve made out the time to excuse yourself from the vitriol which gets thrown around on the ugly parts of social media. Yes, we refer to the fact-based and emotionally-resonant monologues made by our common enemies—the Social Justice Warriors, the feminists, and those pesky Rick and Morty fans.
Fret not, the time you’ll spend on this page shall be well-spent. Here at Suppressing Total Freedom University (STFU), we’re often asked questions by our students. So, we’ve prepared the following list of Frequently Asked Questions by Our Friends and Family (FAQ…
Liberally offensive, also offensively liberal.