Trusting God with My Life and Through the Unknown
Proverbs 3:5–6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
I will start off this entry with these Bible verses; what I live my life by. A lot of things don’t make sense and trusting God, a non physical being, in the midst of all your trials and tribulations is hard. Especially when things don’t go your way and you feel that your prayers to Him aren’t being answered. Right now, my life is as what many would say, has been turned upside down and is unstable, but the way I see it, I see it as God making all my crooked paths straight and the decades of bad decision making right. As a pastor at a church I used to attend said, as long as it took for you to screw up is as long as it will take for God to fix it. I didn’t know what this simple statement meant but as I am currently enduring my trial, man I now know what this means! 2016 has been the year of growth for me. Fully coming to terms with my faith and truly putting God first in all my decisions. Meaning, I don’t make a decision without consulting His guidance and I pray about EVERYTHING before I do it. Many have said I’m crazy, have fallen off the wagon or why wait, but I have learned through many years of being unhappy and making hasty decisions, the longer something takes the more it works in your favor.
This year, I started off the new year not in a full time job and trying to focus on my business. Little did I know that this would stall and I will explain this in a future entry. I drove Uber for a few months and then quit that because it was more of a hassle and pain then a benefit. I stopped working for months, which was all summer (which was the toughest decision to make) to get closer with God, re-evaluate my life and ask God why me? Why am I going through this? Being screwed over by a phony psychic for nearly 4 years who I thought was helping me spiritually but was running a con on my ass. She says her name is Valerie Stanley, but who the hell knows what her real name is. She took me for over $30,000, credit cards under my name, left me in so much debt has debt collectors calling my phone up the wazoo to this day, and a 5 year/10,000 mile lease for a Kia Sorento, which by the way is not even 2 years in and has over 30,000 miles on it. (I did get some of this money back but will explain in a future entry) In other words, screwed me over. Then being evicted from my apartment, not having a dime to name and moving around from place to place from the end of August and even until now. Not having a place to call home. Throughout all this, I learned more about my strength and not realizing how strong I am, but more importantly about how God is moving on my behalf and in my life. Realizing that all the people that I thought were my friends for years, even decades, didn’t want to help which hurt me more than the day my father died. When I realized that moment, I cried and it was the only cry I would let myself have because I know that the will I have to continue forward and one day be successful burns in me. This realization only made me tougher and recognize that I only needed a few friends that truly care about me and would help me, no matter what. My brother (not literally but we have that type of relationship) has been a great help and our bond has gotten stronger. A man that has seen me at my worst, has really surprised me and we’ve grown fond of each other but the biggest surprise about this entire situation has been meeting a woman and her 2 year old son, whom I will call Remy. She has been the rock for me throughout this entire situation and (I’ll explain in a future entry) the funny thing is an ad to sell the Kia turned into a life changing experience that truly transformed and impacted my life in more ways than 1. I will say God sent her to me but others will say girl you crazy for living with a person you don’t know. She let me come into her home, personally helped me with my spirituality and saw the heart I had and that I needed help and support. All in all, this year has been crazy but if you talked to me a year ago and you asked me would you get evicted and move out of NJ with someone you barely know, I would have laughed in your face and said hell no! All I can say is, this whole situation has God’s hand in it and even though none of this makes sense, He has a purpose for my life and knows who I need to meet and where I need to be at every moment. To me that kind of trust is incomparable but I know this is just the beginning of my story and journey to the destiny he has for me and my life. I look forward to it unfolding and sharing these stories with you all.