What if God is… in fact…Dead? Pool? Deadpool?
What if The Supreme Being is Deadpool?
Just hear me out here you overly excited nut jobs… I know that this is a delicate area, and so I shall be gentle… I shall warm, lubricate and massage and caress it ever so intently, until you squirt out your creative emulants onto the forefront of this discussion.
Just relax and think about what I am trying to say here.
Well, we’re off to a saucy start…
But not quite as saucy as our friend Mr. Pool, and yes,
This is the part where I break into a series of geeky comic book science/history points, in the duration of which, I aim to validate my arguments and try to faux impress you slightly.
Not gonna do that by the way, but yes some points need to be made, some rudimentary facts to be stated.
Don’t worry my darlings, it will be over soon, I’ll be gentle…
Deadpool is invincible.
the only way that he can be destroyed is by breaking him down to chunks at the sub cellular level.
Deadpool is omnipotent.
He can Teleport.
Why do you think that that needs any elucidation?
Move onto the next point you douche nerd.
Death is Deadpool’s girlfriend.
Oh, you’re here again Mr. Douche Nerd!
MOVE THE FUCK ON!!
Well those are it really.
Pretty impressive huh?
I would like to say I did a lot of reading on this subject…
But not really though no…
I don’t want to lie to you like that… that comes later.
So really, Deadpool is God, or at least a God…
An entity consistent with our expectations of a being that is all powerful and all loving… most of the times…and to mostly everybody in general… unless of course you are a stalker… who does the occasional pizza delivery on the side.
In hindsight, he is far less brutal, even considering human
shish-kababing against acts by the many other “real world” gods.
FUCK You see what I do here? How I slyly redirect the flow of your expression…Now get back to point you sexy nerd you.
I mean, the kabaabing ain’t s**t next to say,
oh I don’t know,
Like bending a guy over backwards on your lap to claw his innards up like spaghetti out of the fucking lunch box!!!
I mean even headbangers have to admit that that’s pretty brutal.
So okay, so his holy Deadpooliness maybe a 6 on genocidal viciousness.
But when it comes to impoten… I mean omnipotence, Deadpool is… well God actually.
Anybody who can be anywhere, anytime, is awesome. And frankly perfect God material.
But the thing that he totally has going for him is his thing with Death, you know…?, I mean sure this piece started off all sophisticated and classy…
Have I steered off into a direction that is too crass for your tastes?
Oh dear, I am so very sorry about that… sometimes the spirit of my expression gets the better of me, let me just try and so arsewipingly help you get back into your puddle of excremental sophistication…
At ease? Good.
Now as I was saying…
If thou doth possess true love of Death in thine heart and in thine bedroom, then nay shall say thous to death, who may ne’er take thine soul away…
And also, I do not think that Mr. Pool has a soul.
Or any other ghostly waft floating around inside him, occupying the same physical space he is.
I mean, that’s just scientifically incorrect on so many levels.
So there you have it.
One brief, brisk expression of why I think Deapool is God.
Typo, my bad.
So did you enjoy it?
Did it help spark the synapses in your brain, making you think thoughts that you never thought you’d think you’d never assumed you’d have?
No? Yes? Wanna read that last one again? Cool.
So I am gonna go… aaaand put a sacrificial prostitute on the spit then… Wouldn’t want to anger The Great Deadpoolio and fall victim to his godly plagues of misfortune.
And to all you young believers out there, don’t forget to catch up on our weekly newsletter “The Wholesome Blowjob”.
All new issue, with sick, demented and snarlingly disgusting updates on the stuffed unicorn rituals.
Tataa, and go fuck yourselves you bag of dicktits.
…And uh… angry people with weaponry and/or pitchforks, I swear Trump put me up to this,
I had nothing to do with any of it.
Please Please Please do not kill/behead me on video taken on an old Panasonic Camcorder.
I just have so many different flavors of Tic Tac I haven’t tried yet… :-|