I WROTE THIS FOR MYSELF……
BUT YOU’RE WELCOME TO READ IT
DISCLAIMER
This write-up paints a mental picture of part of my life while growing up.
It is often the case that many people recant stories of their experiences and journey to try and solicit pity from others. That is not the purpose of this write-up. In fact, if you start to feel pity at any point while reading this material, STOP. Only resume when you are unemotionally influenced by the material.
“Most of the most successful people have endured the most trauma and hardship” — Mr. Africa.
I consider myself one of the luckiest people on the surface of the earth because I was born into an unequivocally poor family, yet blessed with the best parents. I do not say this to say that my parents have been ideal. I say this to admit the fact that I am lucky to have had the opportunity to grow up with both parents (which many people have not had) in a loving family with many siblings.
Why did I write this?
While looking at the course of my life over the past year, I can observe a clear contrast between it and the reality I lived growing up. I can also clearly see that my reality is different from that of most of the peers I grew up with, in the same neighborhood. This contrast has drawn my attention to the inevitable desire to look back at my own life, observe who I was, and what has molded me into the person I am today. I do not mean to exude bravado by writing this. I only wish to critically examine why I hold the beliefs that I do today.
I do most of my uninterrupted thinking when I am traveling (usually interurban travel, given that I have quite a few engagements in Yaoundé, Douala, Buea, and Bamenda), and each time I think, I understand more and more about why I am so driven to achieve. These reflections and epiphanies have taught me more about myself than I could have imagined, making me more “red-pilled”, in the process. While these have been deep insightful moments for me, I feel that I have started to forget who I am. I have started to forget the experiences and true learning points that have sculpted my philosophy on life as it is today. Although this philosophy is not going anywhere anytime soon, I think that it is a good idea to revisit and document them for myself, and you — if you are interested in reading.
What do I intend to achieve through this?
I only wish to remind myself of who I am, and the experiences I have gone through that have crafted me into the individual I am today and that are paving the path for me to emerge into the individual I truly want to be in a few years.
If you are reading this with genuine interest, I hope it can motivate you, and if not, it can give you an idea of who it is that I am. I may not be able to write everything, as I am fond of forgetting things that are not very relevant to me. However, the things I do mention here are those that have left true footprints in the sands of my memory and have been the most influential. As such, they are very important and truly determining.
My background
I grew up in a family of 8. 5 siblings and both parents. For most of my childhood, teenage, and early adult years, we lived in a two-bedroom house. I remember sleeping face-to-face with my brother or sister on the same bed, sharing the same clothes, and eating from the same plate. I remember going to the farm with my mother when she would have to work on other people’s farms to get paid — a very tedious job for such a small pay. I remember that although I wanted to be a Computer Engineer, I would spend an entire day at the farm, with my mother and siblings. Understand that this was not large-scale commercial farming. This was small-scale farming only good for home consumption.
I grew up without knowing what privacy and personal space was, as I spent most of my time cramped up in a small space with my 5 siblings. Hygiene was not a major concern for us growing up, as we had split our living room in two, using one section to grow chickens. If you know what chickens smell like, then you do understand what I mean. We had to do what we had to do, and I was, and am very proud of it. When we came back home from school, we had to feed the chickens, take out their droppings and clean the place, to do away with the smell.
Growing up, my mother was a farmer, and my father, a taxi driver. It would be an understatement to say that we lived from hand to mouth — as it was obviously more difficult than that, given that my parents had to educate, feed, and shelter 6 children on such a small income. My mother earned no salary and rather relied on the small income she had from selling some excess produce from the harvest — occasionally.
I was lucky to have been born smarter than the average person around me — or at least I believed I was. And maybe that belief helped me academically as I was always on the honor roll. Through secondary school up until form 5, I was in constant competition with my peers, as most of them were intelligent and high achieving. The clear distinction that existed among us was that I was from the poorest background. Often, I did odd things such as selling sweets in class and using the profits to help myself financially even in the smallest of ways. I would take small loans from my mother and buy a few packets of sweets to sell to my classmates. I remember passing sweets around in class and receiving payment sometimes when the teacher was in class.
I do not often take out time to introspect why I have such a business and entrepreneurial mindset. My early engagement in business certainly explains a lot. It is fair to say that I have learned to be financially independent, even while living with my parents, as I quickly realized that they could not provide for me, all that I needed.
This business-oriented mindset did not die down when I went to high school (after graduating among the top4 best students at the Ordinary Levels), as I quickly earned the title “sweet boy”, for a similar business venture. I would buy milk and locally produce a special flavor of sweets that performed better in the market. This was a major upgrade. BIZNISS lol!
Although I was academically thriving, I often did not have adequate academic support material like textbooks. I remember only having about 2 to 3 textbooks out of the recommended 7, and a few compulsory workbooks. Understanding fully well what my situation was, I worked harder, studied longer hours, and invested more energy into standing out academically, even though I had no mentors (such as family members) who could offer academic support, recommendations, and financial assistance. I remember having only one uniform, and one pair of shoes that I wore every day to school, washing and drying them each time I got home.
When I was in form 3, I was not able to pay my school fee until the second term. As such, I have no academic record for 3 months during that period, given that failure to pay my fees meant that my records would not be processed. I was sent home for fees on several occasions, sometimes after being trashed to a pulp. I would cry to my parents, to which they could only do so much. The next day, I would return to school, knowing that what had happened yesterday would happen again today. However, I had no choice but to take it.
I would like to pause for a minute and make something distinctly clear. I never considered that I was suffering. It was the life I knew — the one I lived — the one I was given. Each day, I would wake up early, work hard, and compete academically with my peers. I was perfectly happy.
The holidays were my favorite time of the year, as we engaged in business more intensely. My mother would buy and boil groundnuts, and fresh corn, which my siblings and I would take to the road and sell to pedestrians. I quickly learned to pursue what I wanted to do shamelessly because I knew that otherwise, I would have to beg or steal — and I was taught never to do that. I was taught to work hard for what I wanted, and labor incessantly for that which I would call mine.
I truly consider myself one of the luckiest people on the planet. Not because I have/was given anything. It’s on the contrary. I had the best set of parents. Although uneducated, my parents somehow saw the value of education and resolved that their children would go to university. My experience in tertiary education was unequivocally challenging — but that’s a story for another day. My siblings and I have been extra cooperative in supporting my parents. We were united and walked hand in glove, looking out for each other and defending the family name.
When I think of it now, I am tempted to believe that people understand that they need each other more when they are living in/going through tumultuous times. When someone is ill or heartbroken, for example, they would prefer to be around and talk with other people, open up more and meticulously pay attention to relationships. Generally, neuroticism is a good thing for relationships. I could compare neuroticism to poverty in this case.
I am heartless — sometimes
Because of the things I have been through, I am heartless.
I do not take apologies or excuses.
I do not believe in mistakes or mishaps.
I take so much responsibility for who I am, and what I do, that I have become so hard on myself, and consequently, hard on others. I have known pain, and I have become numb to it.
When people tell me they’re sorry, it hardly means anything to me.
When someone cries, I understand why they feel the way they feel, but it does not change anything — it means nothing.
Sometimes, I am apathetic. I am red-pilled. My life has been nothing but a daily dose of the red pill fed to me whether I wanted it or not.
This emotional apathy has had positive and negative effects on other aspects of my life.
For one, I have learned to separate emotions from logic. I have learned to separate feelings from facts. I have learned to do what I have to do regardless of whether I feel like doing it or not. I am more intentional, more devoted, and hungrier.
On the other hand, this has caused my relationships with people to bleed, mainly because I neither give excuses nor do I accept any.
Unfortunately, people love giving excuses. People are so tolerant that they always accept excuses.
I may not fully know who I am — yet. But I am not leaving that open for anyone to edit.
I am crafting my identity, values, future, and legacy from the ground up.
I know what potential I have.
I know what network I have been able to build.
I know the potential of my friends all around the world.
It is therefore incumbent upon me to become the person I want to be, and inspire as many people as I can to believe, dream, overcome and achieve
Today, I have done things no one believed a kid coming from where I came from could do. I have traveled to 3 African countries, started a youth-led organization impacting the lives of hundreds of young people in and out of Cameroon, and created a tech startup that has won several competitions, and recognitions. I have become a multi-award-winning tech entrepreneur, holding the title of “Regional Youth Excellence Awardee” as one of the 20 most impactful youths from the North West Region. I have spoken on national and international platforms, served people I never believed I would, and been served in ways I could only imagine. It is not what I have done that keeps me in awe. It is what someone coming from where I come from has done, that truly creates the contrast.
I HAVE DONE THE IMPOSSIBLE.
I realize now, more clearly than ever, that my fuel has been my past. I do not need motivation, as I was hardwired in pain and hardship and prepared to perform better each new day. I draw strength each morning from the repository of a plethora of experiences that have designed my brain to enjoy difficulty and use negative stories and experiences to endlessly propel me forward.
For this, I am grateful which is why I say I am truly one of the luckiest people on the surface of the earth.
These are the cards I have been dealt. I must play them. I have only begun.
Cheers!
Abongdoh Maluyane Titus,
Mr. Africa
If you wish to connect with me, do so here