Take me wherever.

‘What do you mean by wherever?’

‘Anywhere that’s not here, that much should be clear.’

‘I’m sorry, that’s not the way it works. I need to know where I’m taking you so that the system…’

‘Hey, hey. Pay attention to me. Yeah. Look at me. Are you paying attention?’

‘Yes, ma’am, I am.’

‘Where. Ever.’

‘I’m sorry ma’am, but’


‘Yes ma’am.’



‘Take me downtown.’

‘Well, we’re going in the opposite direction right now.’

‘I thought you wanted me to tell you where is wherever. I am telling you wherever is downtown.’

‘Yes, but that was before. Now we’re going wherever else.’

‘That’s not what wherever else means.’

‘It also doesn’t mean downtown.’

‘In this context it does, turn around right now please.’

‘I’m sorry ma’am, but we’ll have to go to my wherever first, the route is set.’

‘Fuck me sideways, can’t you change the route?’

‘I could ma’am but not right now.’

‘And why would that be?’

‘It would take some effort, you see.’

‘Well then put in the effort, you’re the only one who can!’

‘You see, I was meaning to apply myself, but that was before you told me wherever would be fine. Now I just don’t feel like doing it.’

‘That makes absolutely no sense.’

‘No, see, it makes sense if you think about it. Before, I’d take you somewhere. Now we’re going anywhere.’


‘They’re synonyms.’

‘Not necessarily they aren’t. And I’m asking you to take me somewhere right now, so please do.’

‘No, no. First we’re going wherever.’

‘Well I give up. I guess I’ve been taken hostage then.’

‘That sounds like a lot of work and not at all like something I would do. But then again, I never took anyone anywhere before, so lots of new stuff happening huh?’

‘Just do it quickly, please.’

‘Shush. I call the shots.’

‘What the..?’

‘You’re my hostage, aren’t you? Play the part, ma’am.’

‘I was joking!’

‘I’m a very literal man. ‘

‘Great. Just fucking great.’

‘Would you like a cup of water?’

‘Sure. Where are we, by the way?’

‘We should be by Stockholm soon, I think.’

‘Like hell we are.’

‘Couldn’t hurt to try.’

‘We’ve gone meta, huh.’

‘What do you mean by that?’

‘See? Leading me into exposition. Now we talk to the reader. Or viewer. Is there a fourth wall? Let’s break it.’

‘You should have stopped reading this by now. This isn’t going anywhere.’

‘What are you doing?’


‘That isn’t how you do it.’

‘That’s what they said.’

‘Who are they?’

‘Here we are!’


‘Neverwhere. And now, well, downtown we go!’

‘Are we fucking flying???’

‘I told you this wasn’t going anywhere.’

‘Wherever. ‘

‘Well fuck you too ma’am.’