Can a Questionnaire Replace Cupid? 

Are paid online-dating websites worth the money?

With the convenience and the relatively little amount of time it takes, it is not surprising that one quarter of Canadians are using online dating. Some websites, most notably eHarmony, require you to fill out an extensive questionnaire and then select matches for you based on your answers. eHarmony claims to match people based on “29 dimensions of compatibility” with data gathered from a questionnaire of about 200 questions. But can this questionnaire really be better than you at finding your soul mate? More importantly, is it worth the money?

Now, we can’t actually know how eHarmony matches people based on their questionnaires because they won’t release their algorithm. We do know, since they advertise their “29 dimensions of compatibility”, that eHarmony, and other similar sites, are matching people based on just that — compatibility. There are just a couple problems I see with this model, though.

Firstly, matching people on compatibility, when taken at face value, seems to suggest that similarity is the key to a lasting relationship. But what about the idea that opposites attract? While there is evidence that both similarity and complementarity are important in relationships, the degree to which each is important may vary from relationship to relationship. There is also the idea that similarity may be better for certain aspects (e.g. spiritual beliefs or desire to have children) while complementarity may work better for other areas (e.g. dominance). It would be interesting to know how online dating sites define compatibility in their algorithms. Do they account for complementarity instead of similarity on certain dimensions? How do they know which dimensions should have similar answers and which ones should have differing answers? Do they take into account each individual’s characteristics to determine this?

Secondly, there is the issue of those answering the questionnaire. If the website is selecting potential matches based on questionnaire answers, then it’s not unlikely that some would choose their answers so they seem more agreeable, in order to expand their number of matches. Sure, I’m super laid back! I’m a night owl, but I am definitely an early morning person too! I wouldn’t be angry at all if my partner cancelled plans with me last minute to hang out with his or her friends! All these things may make someone seem more compatible, but upon getting to know the person in real life they may cause real issues if they are untrue. In many cases it is not difficult to pick the answer that seems most desirable, and this can quickly decrease the validity of the questionnaire.

Now these are also issues when it comes to in-person dating. When meeting someone for the first time who you have an interest in, it’s natural to present yourself in an appealing manner. And it’s hard to know which of your partner’s traits you want to be similar to and different from yours until you have been with them for a little while. But is it worth paying for a service that seems to have the same flaws of dating on your own?

It’s not to say that online dating is without any benefits, or doesn’t work at all (eHarmony, alone, boasts an average of 542 people a day getting married in the US to someone they met on the site). It is certainly easier to sift through the large pool of potential partners by clicking online than by having to go out, meet new people, and have conversations with each and every one of them. But I am still doubtful that feeding my answers to a questionnaire through a mysterious compatibility algorithm really works that much better than selecting people myself. The biggest selling point for me is how fast and easy online dating is, and I can get this benefit from any free dating site where I pick my own matches, as opposed to paying a monthly fee to have an algorithm pick them for me.