on beauty

This morning after dropping Alice off for her ballet class in this ‘posh’ area of Edinburgh we decided to have a coffee somewhere in the neighbourhood. So here we are, sitting in this fancy scandi-bakery having breakfast and flat whites with my hubby, when he points to me to check this stunning older woman. Honestly, I cannot possibly for the life of me call her elderly — she had this ethereal gorgeousness about her that is beyond any age brackets.

I dont know how old she is. I’m guessing in her 60ies? But everything about her was mesmerizing. I couldnt stare (well, I was sitting backwards to her), but it struck me, that it wasn’t her long grey hair or skinny face with subtle features that made her look great. It was that confidence of being ‘herself’. That calmness and acceptance of being content with herself. There was something glowing from the inside that gave her that magnetic look.

I can only guess what it is. Experience, memories, passion about something? She was in total harmony with herself.

That is beautiful. That attracts. Like hell.

My husband said that he could easily see someone at any age blindly falling in love with her (and perhaps, if it wasnt for the fact he’s married to me, he would count himself in too). Falling in love with this new mesmerising world, that she can perhaps show you. The world that lures you in so much, that you will happily just go and look and listen to her for days, and days, and days.

I wish I am able to have this. To preserve some passion in me for the things that I love. Not to become hectic and mundane and have wrinkles between my eyebrows, while permanently thinking what’s for dinner and where the hell are Alice’s ballet tights.

It’s so bitter to realise that beauty is not about having these jars of lotions and potions on my bathroom shelf. Not about having a great BMI and fit abs, and trendy jeans and a pedicure. One can not buy that inner glow. Yeah, i know, who would have though?

But, honestly, could someone from above just give me a little bit more of that “couldn’t care less” attitude? I want to thrive and bloom doing the things I love, not the things I must. Gosh, and I just realised that this control-freak inside of me is the complete opposite of that hypnotic beauty of inner acceptance and content.

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