The Making Of An Outcast
And why each one of us might be causing it
Outcasts are not born — they are made.
Rejection can be defined as a deliberate termination of a physical or emotional connection with others. It is a traumatic social phenomenon, under the influence of which a person decays both physically and emotionally.
Since outcasts are not born as “rejects”, but rather, they are made into them, there‘s a natural curiosity to ask where, with who and why is this connection terminated? It‘s not difficult to see that rejection usually happens in the environment in which we live. That environment, first of all, is the family in which a person grows up, and then society, in which a person seeks to share and expand their identity. Eliminating the causes of rejection would help create a happier society, i.e. we would all be happier. However, it is not easy to eliminate the causes of rejection, as it is hindered by the egoistic nature of mankind.
Rejection due to changes
Rejection between family members can be a reaction to certain changes. Rejection, without a doubt, is a negative reaction. A negative reaction can be caused by changes unacceptable to other family members. When something happens unexpectedly or something that others do not want is planned to be implemented, it is an unacceptable change for them. For example, it can happen that certain changes in the life of one family member do not meet the expectations of other family members, which causes dissatisfaction.
For centuries, parents regulated their children’s lives to meet society’s expectations. This arose from dividing that society into different social strata. A profession or a life partner that was suitable in one social circle was not suitable in another. Although it is now the modern 21st century, arranged marriages, where the partner is chosen by the parents, have not disappeared, and refusing to meet parental expectations still has painful consequences. Even without a previously arranged marriage, choosing a certain partner might result in everlasting conflict between family members. Failing to succeed or even try to study for a certain profession is still a topic that can cause disputes.
Some people can teach their family members to be respectful of their choices and might even end up receiving long-overdue support as time passes, however others — can receive lifetime neglect.
Changes in a person’s life, whether planned or unexpected, that cause dissatisfaction among family members because they do not meet their expectations, as well as stress, are “unacceptable” changes for the family that can lead to rejection. Unacceptable changes can become a reason for rejection in society, not only in the family, but there are other reasons that determine the presence of rejected people among us.
Rejection caused by incompatible social requirements and the individual’s desires
One of the reasons that influence rejection in society is the result of a mismatch between the individual’s behaviour and goals and society’s requirements. Society requires a person to adhere to its values and norms of behaviour. When a person’s behaviour corresponds to the values and norms of behaviour established by society, the opposite phenomenon takes place — acceptance. Conformity or non-conformity is determined by comparing what is with what should be. A person who does not behave properly is unacceptable to society. However, not everyone can always manage to behave as they should. Or sometimes, certain expectations for behaviour and goals are nonsensical or lacking in clarity.
Why does this happen and what can we do about it?
The problem of rejection arises because society does not try to understand certain human behaviour. It does not raise the question “Why?”. Why is that person acting like that? Why is that person dressing like that? Why is that person talking like that?
The unwillingness, reluctance and sometimes even confident refusal to ask such questions is a result of humanity’s shrinking care for one another or a consequence of humanity’s overbearing self-interest.
An arrogant arrangement for a mother’s child to marry a rich partner might be a result of the mother’s unhappy marriage. An overwhelming order for the child to be a doctor might be a result of the father’s lingering desire to study higher education. And bossy comments about the way the passerby acts, dresses, walks or talks might be a poorly expressed concern or even a direct mirror into the speaker’s own consciousness.
While these examples are just a few of many, it doesn’t excuse the behavior that we are surrounded with and also, the attitude that we give to other people. And yet, if we all started asking questions with a “Why?”, whether we were on the side of an “outcast” or the person who created an “outcast”, perhaps there would be fewer rejected individuals.
We can start a change by asking “Why?”
