From 30% to 80% (or the reality of statistics)

So it happened to me. The thing that I KNEW would never happen to ME, happened. Actually, two things did. The first being that we got pregnant on the FIRST TRY. How frigging exciting is that? Seriously. Only 30% of couples score on the first pass. High five, babe, we’re so fertile we’re practically the Nile. But realizing our bestowed gift of fertility the only good thing that came out of it.

I had a miscarriage…..80% of women have a miscarriage at least once. I went from rare, to the majority in a matter of days. Life winks at you in those ironic ways sometimes that make me want to smack that little smirk of its face.

Wow. It’s weird to say, but even weirder to see in writing. Writing makes everything real; permanent; fixed; forever down in history. I don’t want that down in history forever; but, alas, this is what has happened. Has it tainted our Nile river victory? Of course, duh, who wouldn’t be disenchanted from a miscarriage other than an irresponsible teenage girl or a workaholic that doesn’t have time to marvel in the absolute awesomeness of creating a life from scratch. No box mixes here, ladies and gents. If you don’t have the right ingredients right off the bat, then your little cake isn’t going to bake right and the oven will spit it out.

When I think of this analogy, “Thor” comes to mind. Why? Think of the scene in the cafe when he tastes coffee for the first time. Holy cannoli, he loves it so much, it’s so exciting, it brings him so much joy, but his cup is empty; this is wrong. To make it right, he rejects the cup, smashing it into shrapnel on the ground as he bellows a resounds, “Another!”, to the wait staff. Thor = uterus; cup = fetus. Something was wrong with the cup, so Thor rejected it in the spirit of having another that was up to his standards.

I guess analogies are how my psyche likes to cope with monumental disappoints in life that are traditionally known for tearing people to emotional shreds. But I digress.

Oh you picky uterus you. I love and hate you and the same time you little bitch. Luckily that little nugget was only in there for maybe one or two weeks. I actually knew about it for a few days, thank the Lord; not really enough time to form a huge attachment or bond that would leave me in a puddle of tears and depression for days, weeks, or months. So I will take what silver lining I can see in this: the fact that it happened so early. I’m at peace with it. Still a bit of sad lurking in the dark corners, but nothing Pedro can’t shine light on just by being his amazing self. I love him so much. It happened early, which means we are getting over it early, and we have the green light to try again STAT.

We’re ready to try again. Batter up. Let’s hope Thor learns some manners this time.