Why it is okay to be on your own
Life is full of change, that is the only certain thing we have, and we must adapt to it. One of the things people find very hard to do is to be on their own, and I wonder why that is.
I am fully aware that being lonely is a terrible thing, when you didn’t ask for it, but choosing to being alone is a completely different game. Some people might say it is a selfish position to have, and you know what? It is! But, like they say, it’s the right kind of selfishness. Let me explain.
We live in a society, humans are social creatures, but I have realized that since we only live once-and if we don’t we are not aware of it, so it doesn’t count-and it’s mandatory that we do with our lifetime what we please, as long as we don’t hurt other people of course, but that is exactly one of the many advantages of being on your own: who are you going to hurt if you distance yourself from other human beings?
Let me make this clear: I am not saying that everyone should be a loner, I am not even one myself-yet-but all I am saying is that since we only live once, yes, ONCE, we should not waste our time trying to please other people, or to fall into social conventions in order to “fit in”. Doctor Jordan Peterson said that in their deathbeds, most people regret what they didn’t do, not what they did-something like that, but you get the point-and I am sure that as part of a social group, we stop ourselves from doing many things we like because of what other people might think of us. Yes, there are many people saying “I don’t care what other people think of me”, but newsflash, most of that narrative is b******t, and they know it. At the end, people fall for social rules and conventions, it’s inevitable, it’s part of being in a social circle, in a social environment.
Now, I am not in Tyler Durden mode here, but there’s a reason why that book and the film are such an inspiration for so many people all over the world, from different generations: in the end, we all aim for freedom, we all want to be individuals, and that is why characters like Durden are so popular, because he represents what many people would like to be but will never dare to be. It’s simpler than we think.
Personally, I’ve had all kind of stages. Sometimes I have been a social marvel, I even felt that if I didn’t go out or did something social I would be “missing out” and I went out as much as I could, and there are other times when I have enjoyed my own company, reading, writing, catching up with films and TV series, and it felt very good, yes, extremely good.
With the pandemic, many people went crazy because of the lockdowns, and I have to admit that I felt that way at some point, but now that we are all out again, I became extremely selective about my friends, acquaintances and my social life in general. I choose what I want to do and when, and even how, and if someone doesn’t like it, well, not my problem. I don’t mean to sound petulant here, all I’m saying is that I am aware that my time is only mine, and I have to take advantage of it, I have to do things MY way.
I have studied the Stoics, fiercely, and the principle of Stoicism is to realize that we are going to die one day… I see what you’re doing! You think you do realize that you will die one day, but I really mean it, you need to realize that you, me, all of us, will die one day, for real. Most people would claim to be aware of it, but in reality, that notion is not really in our systems, because if it were, we would act in a very, extremely different way. I bet you all you want that once you realize that for sure, you will change many things about your life, about yourself, about people around you.
A few weeks back I finally broke free from people from the past that should be right there, in the past, but in order to be polite and “nice”, I allowed that people to be in my life, and you know what? They don’t belong in my life anymore, it’s the past! It feels very good to break free from such burden, I took a huge rock off my back, and now I go lighter, and it feels good, it feels great, and I honestly wish the very same for you.