First Lady Melania Trump Isn’t Miserable. She’s an Introvert
Poor Melania Trump — America’s new First Lady is miserable. At least that’s according to, well . . . just about everybody. For the past month, rumors keep popping up that Melania is down in the dumps, and it seems everyone has their own evidence to support this same sad conclusion.
There was the Inauguration video clip that went viral, showing her smiling at Donald when he looked at her, but then quickly losing that smile and looking around when he turned away. Apparently, she looked trapped and terrified, so the campaign #FreeMelania spread ‘round the world like wildfire.
When she recited a prayer at a recent rally, people claimed she appeared nervous and rattled, that her voice shook, and that she shuddered when Donald touched her arm.
Many say she looks cold, steely, and stiff, that she doesn’t smile enough, or that her smile seems insincere. Perez Hilton said on FOX that he can tell she’s miserable based on her body language, a claim backed up by ‘experts’ who say she’s clearly “uncomfortable in her own skin.”
The press flipped when she skipped the tour of the U.S. Capitol with the visiting Japanese prime minister’s wife and everyone’s still wondering why she’s “holed up” and “hiding” in Trump Tower. (Or, according to Jimmy Kimmel, “trapped like Rapunzel.”)
Last week, the biggest bomb went off when almost every major publication ran with a report from an anonymous, unconfirmed source that Melania’s “secretly miserable,” “struggling,” “self-conscious,” “unhappy,” and just “hates this.”
Good grief — get the poor girl some Prozac! Between all this irrefutable “evidence” and unconfirmed rumor, our dear first lady is undoubtedly depressed.
Right? Wrong.
Melania Trump isn’t miserable — Melania Trump is an introvert. Maybe it just takes one to see one.
Unfortunately, our society still struggles to see the two as separate and to believe it is possible for a person to be introverted and happy. That’s because our culture doesn’t yet fully understand or embrace introverted behavior as normal. To many observers, “introverted” equals shy, socially awkward, or even anti-social. It means something’s off, abnormal, or even wrong. It explains why introverts are often asked “Are you okay?” and “What’s wrong?” in social settings.
One of the major differences between extroverts and introverts is that for one, social interaction leaves one feeling energized, while for the other, it leaves one feeling drained. After parties and socializing, some feel fulfilled and fueled up, others feel depleted and burnt out. Some feel a bit of both — everyone has their own spot on the sliding scale.
But if you consider Melania’s general demeanor and behavior as simply indicative of introversion, it all starts to make sense: maybe she’s simply zapped by big events and parties, by socializing and standing in the spotlight. Maybe public speaking (or public anything) just isn’t her cup of tea. Maybe she’d rather be home than chatting up dignitaries. Maybe she’s not always beaming or seeming warm and cuddly because she just doesn’t feel that way.
Her introversion is especially evident when she’s besides her husband, the obviously extroverted President. Remove the age and gender difference and juxtapose Melania with Michelle Obama — the first lady whom we’ve grown accustomed to for the last eight years — and the dichotomy is even clearer. Michelle is warm, friendly, bubbly, sociable, and seemed to enjoy being visible — even uploading YouTube videos of herself.
That’s never going to be Melania, and there’s nothing wrong with that. What’s wrong is assuming someone is secretly miserable simply because they are private, quiet, and reserved. Yet that seems to be precisely what the American press and public have done with Melania, jumping to unfair conclusions about her personal happiness without first pausing to consider whether she, like her husband, is just a little bit different than what we’re all used to.
Case in point? Do a Google search for “Melania Trump miserable,” and you’ll get around one million hits. Search for “Melania Trump introvert,” and you’ll see about three. Oh, and the first on the list is a Vanity Fair piece entitled “The Quiet Tragedy of Melania Trump.” Because, you know, being quiet and introverted is a tragedy.
To be fair, it’s refreshing to see the media so concerned with the welfare and well-being of anyone named Trump, assuming that’s what’s actually going on here. But let’s not make the mistake of assuming someone’s unwell simply because they aren’t the life of the party — there’s always more than meets the eye. So perhaps we should just leave Melania alone, or at least give her a little bit of space. It’s probably all she needs, and probably all she wants.
Originally published at acculturated.com on February 23, 2017.
