Resolutions Suck — Do This Instead

Do We Really Believe Our Resolutions?

It’s January. Once again, the internet is flooded with words of resolve. Once again, the masses take to social media, where they post magnificent vows to grow stronger, thinner, richer. Many of us partake in this ritual of grand intentionality. We project images of improved future selves, but so often, the exercise is tainted with a thin veil of cynicism.

Deep inside, we know it’s crap.

Unless we’ve been living under a rock, this isn’t the first time we’ve done this. Unless we’re extraordinarily strong, this isn’t the first time we sense that we’re probably going to fail. It sucks, but we keep doing it. That’s what’s expected of us. We bury the dread of missing the mark yet again, and we make the stupid resolution.

But what if there’s a better way?

Resolutions feel good because they promise a result for which we haven’t paid. They’re like credit cards for our emotions. Tragically, we can’t pay for life changes with intentions. In the real world, only alterations in behavior yield tangible results. And of course, those alterations must continue for a long time. Much longer than the five minutes it takes to punch up a bullet list on Facebook. Darn you, cruel world.

A Better Option

There is an alternative to resolutions.

We need to reverse the pattern that leaves us annually pissed at ourselves. If resolutions are emotional credit cards, what’s emotional cash? Think about the opposite of debt. It’s savings. Money accrued over time grows. That money, properly invested, can make more money. Saving works to our advantage because it is a system. And that’s exactly what we need to make any significant change in our lives.

We don’t need a frickin’ resolution. We need a system.

Don’t start with a resolution. That’s like calling yourself a millionaire before you’ve even landed your first job. Start with a small habit. What is one thing — one tiny thing — that you know that you can execute every day? Pick something that will require an itty-bitty effort, but which will have a small impact in the direction of your goal. Do that. Do it every day for sixty-six days. That action — that one tiny action — is the foundation of your system.

It can be stupidly simple. It might be making your bed. It might be eating one vegetable every day. A quick walk. A power nap. All that matters is that it’s something you will execute successfully every day until you have made it automatic.

Laying the foundation

This is your first cash deposit into the bank. Right now, it looks like nothing, but in two months — after compounding daily deposits — that little savings account turns into real money. You’re creating emotional equity — the exact opposite of a resolution.

After you’ve laid this foundation, you can build on top of it. You’ve proven to yourself that you can crush it with this simple task, and now you’re ready for a bigger challenge. Now is when you can begin pushing yourself. Now is when you can build a system, which is what will actually accomplish that goal the resolution never can accomplish.

How to Create Real Achievement

Resolution Sabotage

Here’s the deal. All of the failed resolutions of past years wear us down. They convince us that we can’t achieve. Heck, most of us subconsciously pick resolutions that we know we can’t adopt. We sabotage ourselves to make the failure win more quickly. It’s like choosing death by decapitation instead of by slowly bleeding — let’s get it over with!

Tiny Habits FTW

Remember that tiny action? That’s called a turnkey habit. By successfully integrating that one simple thing into your daily routine, you are making a shocking impression on your own psyche. It’s like a hobbit giving failure a roundhouse kick to the face. When you’ve successfully integrated that stupidly simple habit into your life, you will feel strong. You’ll have that emotional cash you were needing.

So now, you can layer on another level to your system. Add something else to that tiny habit. Not a resolution! Not a goal! Add a slightly bigger daily behavior that contributes to your goal. If you’re trying to lose weight, add a ten minute walk to your pushups. If you’re trying to be organized, put a handful of laundry away when you make that bed. Again, you’re not getting crazy. Your gradually building a system one little habit at a time. It’s slow interest on that cash, instead of big credit debt.

How I Tricked Myself into a Systems Approach

Killing my excuses

Can I share a personal story? I’ve always wanted to write a book. Never really succeeded, I’ve just spent my whole life saying, “I should do that. It would make me happy.” A new year would come around and I’d say to myself, “Okay, Jackass, this is the year. Write that book!” And then I’d crash and burn in a pile of self-loathing. It was great.

This last year was one of the busiest of my life. I had less time to pursue writing than pretty much any other time in my life. Still, something in me snapped. I was sick of wanting to write but not actually doing it. I told myself, “Just do 30 minutes in the morning.”

Failing up

That meant getting up earlier. It took me about six months to learn how to get up earlier. See, I realized that part of the problem was going to bed late, so I worked on getting to bed sooner. It took me about two months to learn how to go to bed earlier. Also in the morning, I had this really bad habit of hitting the snooze button until that extra half hour was gone. So I also had to learn how to get up without ignoring my alarm. That also took about two months. Over time, I realized that I was groggy in the morning because I wasn’t fortified, so I started experimenting with healthier breakfasts. That also took me about two months to be consistent. I’m sure you see the pattern.

Eventually, after laying the foundation with each of these little habits over many months, I started getting consistent with writing in the morning. I was able to expand that 30 minutes to an hour. Then I learned a new keyboard language to push my word count higher. Then I improved my abilities in my favorite writing program on my computer. I found the ideal background music to fuel my writing. I participated in National Novel Writing Month. I was starting to snowball skills and habits that pushed me toward the ability to actually write a book in my spare time. After a lot of practice and the slow accumulation of habits, I had developed a system.

Now, I’m still not perfect at my writing routine, but the contrast with where I was a year ago is stark. I have a system in place that has grown from small habits. This system has allowed me to stay consistent with a daily writing quota. I’m about 30% finished with a book that I’m on track to complete in February. I’m very, very happy every morning.

System>Resolution

None of this would have happened with a resolution. If I’d announced to the world last January, “I am resolved to become a real writer, and I shall write a book,” it would have been a catastrophe. I wasn’t ready. I would have failed, and the failure would have crushed me. In all likelihood, that resolution would have pushed me further from completing a book, not closer.

This is all very embarrassing. I don’t like admitting how hard I’ve struggled to accomplish the same goal for so many years. Still, the personal fulfillment I’ve experienced this past year has been tremendous. And I attribute that fulfillment to this slow accretion of habits. I recommend this approach with all of my heart.

Please, if you have a thing that you want to do this year, something you care deeply about — consider carefully the nature of your approach. Shotgun resolutions have a reputation for backfiring. Go about it a different way. Just make a little change, and slowly build a system.