A single conversation with a wise man across the table is worth more than ten years mere study of books — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Okay, let’s talk a bit about the interview. This is the main thing at the heart of the whole project. Interviews, no, let me re-frame that: I actually mean a conversation. I don’t like interviews, at least not in the traditional sense of what it means. It’s strict and often stiff. Conversations are rivers that flow with ease. I prefer that. Interviews often are not.

So for me it’s more of a conversation. To have a friendly chat, and that’s what friendships are made of. Sure, we are not out to become “buddy, buddy” with the owners or whoever we interview during the project, but between any two people on earth, a relationship could be had, and that’s far better than an interview that’s one and done, and over.

Yet for the purposes of spelling things out for a local interview project, let’s talk interviews, but in the conversation sense of it.

Tone

It’s actually straightforward, the interview process, with a few things to note. First, think of it as a natural thing, you’ve had conversations with countless number of people your whole life — tap into that bank of your memory, and think of this one as similar to meeting a new friend. The conversation will not be like one with an old friend, but it’s also not with a stranger. The balance is what you should strive for when doing an interview.
Okay, for me the first thing I try to set is the tone of the interview. Not very different from how you start a building, as in laying a good foundation for it. Your tone determines how the interview will go, and since you are the who will be asking the questions, you are the one to set it. You will be the one in control. So try to set a good tone. Let me borrow a bit from this guy.

Tone is often the most important part of a conversation — and listening is much more important than what you say — Hoda Kotb.

But what exactly is tone? A good question, that is. A tone is the feeling you both have about the interview before you sit to talk, the tone that makes the interview go well. It’s like the tone you get when you sit a good friend to chat — it’s easy and it flows. That’s very from the one we get at a job interview — strict and formal. Again, let’s lean towards the one we have with our friends.

This tone can be long set the first time you meet, before the day of the conversation, or on the day of the conversation, if you happen to be meeting the person you will be interviewing for the first time on that day. As is often said, 80% of communication is in our body language, and it’s no different with an interview process. I go into it like it’s no big deal, no stress, “it’s my pleasure to use this conversation to learn from you, sir,” is what I’m thinking.

Why? Because it’s no big deal, really. What’s the big deal about sitting down to learn from someone, hear their story, and ask a few questions? Not much, if you really think about it. It’s a joy, really. That’s the mindset that I carry with me when I go through an interview project. Keep in mind in the end I will like to have a friend when it’s all said and done. And this comes through in my body language.

Can you do it? Yeah. How?

One, this is your local community we are talking about, so you’re at home in a sense. And with the intent that you want to learn, build relationships, and share your findings with others, you should be somewhat at ease if not entirely. It’s not something that can be taught, but it’s the attitude of joy at the chance to learn, to connect, and to grow personally that you should have at heart. If that’s in place, you will be ease, and it will show.

Two, do it for free: I do my interview projects without charging a dime. No one will shrink at the prospect of sitting with you for a free conversation about their journey as business owners or professionals. That’s in itself a great freeing element, too, and contributes to the tone you set and how you feel going in. It’s win-win.

Listening

Once you get clear on the tone, it’s then time to sit and chat. For that, let’s shift a bit to listening, another key thing to good conversations. But before that, let me pull a bit from one of my favorite interviews, the one with Mr. Matt Lacy. He shared with me how good listening skills runs through the way he runs his business, and I don’t doubt that.

He considers his job an opportunity to change lives, as he tells his employees, and what he does is to build relationships with his customers through good listening skills. He even hears them out to the point of making food that his customers request though it’s not on his restaurant’s menu. Why take on this kind of request, you may ask? “Why not? He asks. The results? He has two shops, and folks often line up outside his shop waiting for earlier arriving customers to leave to be seated.

So, no, no, listening cannot be discounted, not at all. For me, it’s virtually impossible to even have a conversation without an ability to listen. Well, let me repeat a good saying that I have read somewhere and heard people say: There’s a reason we have two ears, and one mouth. That says it all, right? Using this in good proportion is what makes conversations worthwhile.

Yet, as the ears are planted on our heads, there’s another thing on our heads that determines our ability to have a good conversation: our eyes. The ability to make genuine eye contact is also critical to having a good chat. Yet, with eye contact there are different types. There’s one where you just look at the person without actually listening. It’s the fake one. The one that you do to pretend you are listening. I’m sure we have all done at one point or another. I know I have, and a number of times.

But there’s the real one where you combine our ears and our eyes to really listen. The one that does not make the person you are listening feel uneasy — the one that actually makes them can know that you’re listening and are open to what they are saying. That one is the one we should use for doing interviews. This will fill your interviews with value, as the folks you will be interviewing will sense it, open up, and share a lot more with you. And in this openness and sharing more, they give you something worthwhile to learn from and to share with others, too.

In the end, it’s a learning project for you, so be open and enjoy it. With good listening skills and a positive and friendly body language you set a good tone, and with good listening skills through a good use of your ears and eyes to take in whatever whoever you are interviewing is sharing, you will do well.

Note: As with all things, not all interviews will go well, but having these in mind definitely puts you in good stead to have good interviews.