It’s a matter of perspective, as to what we see as awful or more important so I hesitate to say, “you got it wrong.” Every group seems to say “treat us as individuals, all you X are horrible for reason Y.” where X is gay men, men, whites, first world countries, republicans, democrats, christians, whatever. Although Y seems to be more and more trivial each day; I’m not saying this is the case here.
What I don’t see here is a discussion of straight women who do ask for dating, shopping, fashion and beauty advice under the assumption gay men are “just one of the girls”. Frankly, I can barely dress myself. I don’t like to shop. I’m a slob.
Many a gay man has felt like they weren’t gay or were unable to come out because they didn’t feel like they were part of what is advertised as The Only True Authentic Gay Way. Quite frankly, I feel that drag is mysognistic. It’s not feminine, it’s camp. And not a few people, gay and straight, confuse the two. I have friends who are “grrl” this and *snap* that. Not a single one of my women friends acts this way. If you complain about it in the gay community, you’re “anti femme” or you have internalized homophobia. But it’s an affectation, my ex-boyfriend, many years ago, started working in a gay bar and went from run-of-the-mill guy to the queenist queen of queendom. He did not find his “authentic self” as the gay community might say; he just became insufferable.
I will call out one more double standard, nobody calls a woman who experimented a “lesbian”. Any man who experiments is automatically labeled “gay”.